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2001-05-24 / 7:31 p.m. ~Food Procurement~
Towards the end of the day today, as usual, I began to think of dinner. What would I eat? Would I make the drive for takeout from my favorite Thai restaurant? Did I feel up to the rush hour traffic battle to get there and back? How badly did I want Nam Sod? Was I even hungry at all? Should I buy groceries instead? No, didn't want to cook, didn't want to drive, didn't even want to eat. All of it, not just one little part, was far too complicated. Thus began a conversation amongst the women who work 'til 6:00, and myself. What do they eat? What are they cooking for dinner? Supper. Two married, one of those with a small child, they weren't sure. Two single, one of those eating with family, dad will be cooking, the other will eat with her boyfriend, at his house, the family cooking. The other two women.....didn't say. I told them what it's like for me, briefly, and as I described the displeasure I feel at the very thought of eating in a restaurant alone, the references to Steve Martin's "The Jerk" (It was "The Jerk", wasn't it? The scene where the spotlight shines on him at his table, dining alone, the waiter making a big fuss, removing all the extra utensils, water glasses, napkins, etc. "Oh, you'll be dining ALONE!!!!!?????", etc.), the inanity, the boredom. No, I've done it, and I'll do it again, but not anytime soon. I get my food to go, thank you, or I cook, and no one misunderstand, I LOVE to cook, I collect cookbooks, I LOVE to eat, love all aspects of food, food prep, the history of food, and eating, books on food, on chefs, on cooking, on eating, all of it. I've even taken cooking classes, Chinese and gourmet. Food, food, food, love the stuff. Today, I didn't care. Call it a phase of my cycle, yes, that's what it surely is, because when I was through weighing all the options, talking aloud of the predicament, the conundrum, the overall hassle of food procurement, food prep, and the actual eating, I'd talked myself into a brief, but sinking depression. I walked to my car and held back tears. I felt outrageously pitiful. Me, poor, poor, pitiful me, constantly having to think of food to buy, then having to buy it, me, all alone, then cook it, or go someplace and buy it already cooked. Fast food, gourmet takeout, sitting in a restaurant, always alone. I felt stupid. I went to Hardee's and got a crispy chicken filet sandwich, brought it home and ate it after I fed the cats. And it was damned good. I wasn't even hungry, I just knew a yogurt wasn't enough for an entire day, that if I skipped dinner I would get weak and shaky, I would feel not real great. I feel good now. No traffic, no decisions, $2.72 and I had food to eat. What about tomorrow?! Cost of the War in Iraq
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