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2001-06-13 / 8:38 p.m. ~Feminism and Astrology~
Today, as usual, was very slow at work, but I arrived prepared. I brought not only my weekly magazines to read, but my copy of Astroanalysis for Aries and the one for Libra I bought for my good friend - she's letting me borrow it so I can try to figure Steve out. It was fascinating, just to read all my stuff again, details on what it means that Mars was in Cancer when I was born, and the Moon in Sagittarius, and the placement of all the planets at the time of my birth, then to look at his, and to read about his sun sign, and to say, yeah, that's it, that's how he is, that's me, that's how I am, wow, we are SO much alike, no wonder this whole thing happened! And three of his planets are in the same positions as mine, I think it's Neptune, Pluto and Jupiter or Saturn, I don't know, it's hard to remember it all, but I love to pull it out and read it - I've even gone through my book and underlined all kinds of valuable insightful info in the years since I bought it. Great books. Really. I felt so positive, so good to learn so much, to really try to understand him, to understand me, to accept me, surely to know my entire history, upbringing, genetics, etc., as well, but this astrology stuff is fascinating, I've always thought so, especially the whole chart. Anyway, it was a good day, to sit and read as much as I did, to learn so much, and though I know it's over, and he sent me a little nasty email today, quoting me, nothing more, but it was negative stuff I'd written, about how I'm glad we didn't get together, thank god I took off the rose-colored glasses now instead of later, etc., hurtful stuff. He claimed he feels the same. Not nice, but I wrote back, lots and lots, going through his emails to me, still, and I know it's not good, and where will it get me?, but I can't help it, I hate discord, I want to work through it, especially in romantic entanglements, and when I feel I've been rejected. Yes, I don't deal well with rejection. I know. I'm still happy with my behavior, nothing extreme, all calm and cool and collected. So, we got into a discussion about makeup today at work, and I had to throw my two cents in. Why? To stir up trouble, I guess. Sort of like being the only agnostic and starting a discussion about the possible non-existence of God, I guess. No, I'd never do that! But, sure, I said I had found my place, accepted my physical visage, my outward appearance, long ago, discovered feminism, and the realization that women needn't be held to unnatural standards of beauty ascribed by a patriarchal society. Or something like that. And P. said, "Well, what about after 5:00? You wear makeup then, right? When you go out?" and she was incredulous, absolutely incredulous when I said, "No". "I do not". "No.", like she couldn't fathom a woman not wanting to make herself look purty. Scariest thing was when K. said she feels "empty and lost" without her makeup! Egad! It was hard to hold back the sympathy, the pity I felt for her in that moment. Oh, you poor insecure thing, that relationship with your ex-husband did you in didn't it? Yikes!! I know a lot about her past and this only makes too much sense. She has no self worth without the outer trappings, without fashion, the right shoes, and the appropriate hair and makeup, she feels less of a person without all of it. That makes me feel sad, for her. I am glad I learned, at a relatively young age, maybe 18, that it really doesn't matter, and yes, maybe it doesn't matter to ME, maybe it matters a lot to K. and to other women, but I feel that women are humans, just like men, and we shouldn't feel we have to look a certain way just to be happy, to attract friends, and lovers, it's wrong of our society to place that upon us. I am grateful that I am enlightened, I know what's necessary, like wearing a skirt or dress to a job interview, but makeup is never necessary. There are dress codes, but you will not find underwear (brassieres) or makeup codes. A woman may need to wear apporpriate clothing on the job, as a man may have to wear a tie, but she can grow her hair short or long, tie it back naturally, or do it up, whatever she pleases, and she does not need to wear lipstick, or eyeliner, or "base". Men will love women without all the crap they put on their faces, without the masks they paint on every day. Women should realize this. At least I know, and I try to share, but it's so ingrained in some women, they can't see beyond what they know, what they've been taught, and that's a shame. Cost of the War in Iraq
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