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2001-07-28 / 7:10 p.m. ~An abbreviated Pig Fuck~ My god, but I swear like a sailor! And "potty mouth" is such a stupid expression. Okay, so I got off my ass, but I won't say "fat" ass, because it's not at all fat, but my ass is another subject entirely. I will say I left my apartment and drove to the Goodyear place, basically because it's like 1/2 mile from here. And I knew they'd be open. They didn't laugh, in fact I was welcomed. Sure, no problem, we can probably get to it today, sure, put the alternator in, assuming it's needed, yeah, hell yeah, Fuck yeah, man, we can DO IT! So, I tell the guy, who has this Southern accent, but not too heavy, yet talks likes he's from Michigan, I mean fast, so fast I wanted to say, huh? What did you just say? Didn't catch - a - word. But, you know how auto repair places are.......like when I got new tires put on at Sears, because I have a Sears charge card and didn't want to pay for them yet, and they couldn't figure out that one tire has a different wheel with different lug nuts, so they only put 3 nuts on each wheel and left off the ones that didn't make sense. Telling me I needed to get new ones. And I go to the lug nut store, the wheels and more store, or whatever, which is right near the Harley Davidson store, where I need to go someday, if for no other reason than to try on some super bad riding jackets!!! The kind with the zippers all over - man, I've wanted one of those things for years! Anyway, so it turned out I never needed new lug nuts, they just didn't put the right ones on the right wheel, etc., and the guy at the shop was so nice, put them on correctly for me, after searching through his whole warehouse for the right kind......and when he heard I'd been to Sears, well, he shook his head and kind of spit through his teeth a little. I think maybe there's a rivalry between all these guys. Right, so I tell this guy today that Pep Boys had my car for 9 hours yesterday and didn't even touch it and he shakes his head and says don't even get me started on Pep Boys, then he mumbles something really fast about me bringing it there, maybe, "Wellbegladyoubroughtitherewe'lltakecareofitforyou", but I'm not sure, even after I got him to repeat it. And if I could just find the right mechanic to go to for all my mechanical needs (wink, wink), I wouldn't keep going through all this crap. Ultimately, I'd like a boyfriend/lover/husband type of guy, one who excels at yard work and auto mechanics, has his own canoe and camping gear, is not afraid to cry in front of me, can perfrom cunninlingus for hours, and loves it, and is good at carpentry too. Oh, he should have excellent genetic material so we can create another human or two before my eggs shrivel up for good. This is besides the usual intelligence/humour/good looks requirements which come standard. Is that too much to ask? A man who can service both my car and me? Well, until that time......so, back to the original topic........they needed to call me once they diagnosed it properly, right? And I'd have to walk home, and maybe back, and might miss the call on my way home, so I decided to sit and wait, at least until the diagnosis. So, I read the paper, my daily horoscope said I'd have a flirtation that could get too hot, with someone who for legal reasons (a spouse, most likely), should not be flirting back. I also read the July 9 TIME magazine. And I didn't bring my glasses. Lots of squinting. I waited. I read, I finished reading. I said, are you sure you guys can get to my car????? I mean, yeah, you said you could, no problem, but I told you what happened at Pep Boys yesterday (and they just hate Pep Boys, oh, don't get them started talking about Pep Boys), and gee, I mean, if you can't get to it before 5:00, just let me know, okie doke? And the guy from Southern Michigan says, oh, no problem, we'll get to it. And now I'm bored, I can't really see the TV too well, it's hanging from the ceiling, but it's "Made in America" on TBS anyway, then finally it's "When Harry Met Sally", which was just on a couple nights ago, and I love that movie, but I can't hear it too well either.....then a really attractive woman comes in with her little girl and, well, small children, animals, the elderly, all flock to me. So, I'm chatting up the little girl, and she's a little younger than my favorite little girl Lilly, but she is very precocious! She talks a lot more than any kid I've met recently, and like Lilly she mimics me. She sees my umbrella and I say yeah, that's my umbrella. So she says, your umbrella. And I say, I thought it might rain, and she says, might rain. And we go on and it's entertaining, really, and I'm so glad to have someone to talk to, and her mom is so cool looking, she is tall, has these long legs, this sleevless shirt on, real tight, really nice breasts (yes, I'm straight), and she's slender, there's a tattoo poking out from under the back of her shirt, and her hair is short with bangs, dyed a groovy reddish brown color, with some black. She's got those "emo" glasses on, and she is just so fucking cool I want to be her friend. I want to come babysit for her little girl. Weird. She thanks me for entertaining her kid when she leaves. And little "Ruby" says bye, and thank you (we found a crayon under the chair and colored the newspaper). People come and go, I mean I'm there from 2:00 to 5:30!! Lots of old folks, and they all seem so happy with their service. The Southern Michigan guy is really good at shooting the shit with everyone, nice to the Asian guy who doesn't know too much English, all "Whasssup, man?" to the black dudes, and jokey, flirty with the old ladies, all kinds of jokes about keeping people's cars, selling them while they're there at the shop, etc. It's a slamming Saturday at the Goodyear, and every mechanic is hot, hot, hot! One guy has these shorts on and these amazing legs, perfectly shaped and muscular, his short sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled.....yum. One guy with long hair stops to pull it back from his face, replace his hat, he's hot and sweaty out in the bays, and I'm inside fucking freezing from the a/c. This was my day. And I'm going to the Southern Michigan guy every so often, every hour or so, and saying, um, really, come on, just between you and me, you guys aren't going to put my car up and look at it at all today, are you? But he keeps assuring me they will, everyone does. And they do. And the service manager guy says he got a new alternator just in case. And they close at 5:00, but around 5:10 they've got it up, and they put in the alternator, and I'm waiting, patiently, lots of people getting their cars, a little boy who is very peculiar asks everyone to stop looking at him, and his mom takes him outside. Oh, he's too young to be so embarassed and paranoid......the child has mental problems I'm sure. Disturbng. So, it's a mild pig fuck, an abbreviated one, and I'm thinking this isn't so bad, they are doing something, they care, unlike Pep Boys, they have loyal customers, they know everyone by name, this will be okay, really. And then they need a voltage regulator and they didn't think they would, and so, er, um, I need to leave it 'til Monday. Okay. Oh, it charges great! Too great, it may blow up my battery, charging at 16 volts and it needs to be 12, says the service manager, who is sitting next to me, and he is sweaty but nice, and it's like he's telling me I may need the surgery after all, but I have another two or three years to live and they may be quality years after all so do I want it? Of course. Anyone still reading this far down the page? All you skimmers out there.... He offers me a ride home. Nice, huh? I'll take a ride to the place on Monday instead, and he says sure, fine. I walk, go to the ATM, Publix for a sandwich (they have the BEST sandwiches - got a half Italian sub on white 'cause they were out of wheat - excellent!), some Sobe Green Tea and this prosciutto-mozarella roll....mmmmmm. And I walked home. First time in 4 years of living in this area that I've walked anywhere but to the mailboxes and back. It wasn't bad. Sidewalks, mostly downhill. Home. Ahhhhh.......Now I call in on Monday, say I'll be late, or do I take the whole day??? Hmmmm.....maybe I'll take the day, I need a day off. "Big Brother 2", a movie or two on cable, I'm all set. Oh, and I hear/read that "Planet of the Apes" is not worth seeing. Good. I didn't want to see it anyway - it's one of those that has such a good original, one of my favorite films of all time, love Charlton Heston, that I can't imagine a "re-telling", or remake being any good at all. Cost of the War in Iraq
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