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2001-08-17 / 7:15 p.m. ~At work, on A.'s last day~ This really feels like the end, the end of what little remains of my sanity, here at work. If A. is not going to be here, really, literally, there will be no one to whom I can relate, no one who is not offended by my sense of humor, my strange vocabulary, no one with whom I can have a frank discussion. Maybe this should be okay, this is "work", after all, but as I've found, through personality tests, astrology, and general navel-gazing, I am a bit of an extrovert. I feed off stimulating conversation with others. To be here, in this environment, all day every day, five days a week, only answering the phone when it rings, processing a document or two, and reading Entertainment Weekly and the occasional book, well, I'll shrivel up. Oh, wait, I've already done that. The new woman, the new perm, not even temp to perm, but plain old perm, the one whom I would swear is a man in drag at the very least, smiles at me in the most condescending manner. She seems to be humoring me, and she doesn't look me in the eye for long. She's a freak. And she's right there, see, right there, across the aisle from me, the logical person to turn to and ask, "Hey, did you watch 'Big Brother' last night?", or "Hey, you, what are you eating for lunch?", but instead she talks hair removal (suspicious, huh?) and hairstyles and fashion, all the girlie shit, with everyone else. I had to stop to answer the phone. She, aforementioned "freak", saw my tattoo on my arm and asked about it - we then engaged in small talk about lizards. A lizard tattoo. I don't know, as usual I am overreacting, as I am wont to do. Maybe all will be well, maybe not, but we're all entering a pool to win tonight's Big Game drawing, and if we do win�I figure the $57,000,000.00 (LOOK at all those ZEROS!) jackpot, with Cash Option, and after taxes, may be some $14,000,000.00 (STILL, a lot of ZEROS!), and divided amongst 10 people, well, we each get at least a mil, and yes, AFTER taxes. I'm outta here if we win!!! Later: P. brought some wonderful baked chicken, I mean really wonderful, and we all got the recipe and I ate a lot, skin and all. Cajun spices make the difference, that and a lot of love. I ate like a pig, I must confess. I started the day with a Krispy Kreme blueberry donut (I bought a box of them at Publix yesterday, just for me, not the group here), then had some cheese danish K. brought, then veggies and dip, pasta salad, lots of chicken, cup after cup of Arizona green tea with honey and jasmine, and lemonade. Somewhere along the way I began to feel really large in my midsection. But in a good way. Also somewhere along the way, Linda has said a word or two to me, the first since I called her out on her humming and she took offense. I want to like her, and that makes me really crazy, being the one who was originally so assaulted by her. I am the one to forget, not forgive, but the one desiring of moving on. I think she sees that I am kind and generous, and though she wants to believe I am the evil one, she simply can't. I brought her the caffeine free diet caramel colored uniquely flavored carbonated sugar water she loves so much, really, just for her, and maybe she was touched by that, and my insistence she take it home with her at the end of the day. How can I be awful if I would do that for her? The orange/peach/mango juice was a huge hit, along with the Arizona green tea with honey and jasmine. And D. brought hummingbird cake, a cake and a half she bought this morning, but she took the half portion and hid it away while half of us were on our lunch breaks. We came back (having already eaten way before our actual lunch times) and the cake was gone. This seemed really selfish to me. Am I wrong? I mean, she walked through and said, "Yeah, everyone got some, right? The rest is on my desk.", but clearly she was meaning to take the second portion home, not to share it at all. Hmmmmm� These "pot luck" thingies can be weird like that, but not usually. Usually we are very giving, we don't expect to take anything home, in fact we are quite like vultures when there is food lying around, taking anything left sitting, anything we didn't bring ourselves. What we bring we give. Or something. Yeah, I would've liked to take some of that tea home, but I have lemonade left. But to hide a whole half cake because you're done sharing? Doesn't seem quite right to me. Now comes the challenge of staying awake, and I've been chatting up the perm, thinking she's not such a freak after all, she may in fact be okay. It was a first impression kind of thing, but that may be changing. We've been discussing what we'll do when we win the lottery, how we'll invest our one million a piece. She is actually sort of entertaining. Life will go on, here, I will still be here, until I win the lottery or something else wonderful happens�A. will be gone, but everyone leaves sooner or later. Cost of the War in Iraq
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