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Friday, Jul. 02, 2004 / 1:37 p.m. ~Day Off: #1 of 5, So Far~ I woke right on time, for a week day, for a Friday, no alarm needed, and disappointed in my internal workings went right back to sleep, with effort, granted. The phone rang around 10:00, woke me up, 'unkown caller' on the caller ID, the machine picked up, no message, just silence. I turned off the ringer and forced myself back to sleep. It wasn't easy, great effort ensued. I woke over and over again, the one cat restless, wanting me to pat her, wanting to come under the covers, me letting her under the covers, us spooning, it getting too hot for said spooning, me tossing, me turning, her restless, her pawing at covers, under, over, mraow, under, over, mraw, toss, turn, and etc. I finally woke after a series of dreams bad enough to be called 'nightmares', the beginnning of which involved arguing with my supervisor at work, her seeing some program on my monitor at work, assuming I was doing something other than working, accusing me, me denying, me telling her, YELLING at her that I wanted to correct the misunderstanding, and correcting it, but feeling tremendous animosity toward her once she walked away, and thusly not wanting to open my mail for the day, rush packages, rush envelopes, leaving them, then waking, and then realizing it's okay because today I don't open them anyway, Jane does. Jane handles all my work today, in my absence. But then, back to sleep, a dream of home, of waking late in the day, and walking to the living room, opening wall-sized vertical blinds that in reality do not exist, on another wall, an unusual wall, only to see a sunset-colored accumulation of clouds outside a wall of windows, all orange and black, only to realize they were smoke clouds, it was fire and smoke just outside, and upon closer inspection saw it was here, it was the building next door, and not thinking that I should have heard sirens at least, kept exploring further, seeing neighbors I'd never before seen all watching, all outisde leaning over some rail or another, all watching. Until some of them had caught fire from flames blown through the wind, and one had flames dancing on her shoulder, and another in her hair, and we all backed away from the wind gust, and it changed its course, and the building next door was in ruins, orange and black smoke all around, one section of bright yellow flames extinguished by a fireman's hose until there was nothing but a hot smoke. I was trying to figure it all out, groggy from too much sleep, how much to worry, how close had I come, and the cats were there, I was wondering if I should put them in their carriers, just in case the wind shifted course once again and came at us, with fire inside it, fire and wind landing on our shoulders or in our hair, but then I realized I'd left the cats with my contact at work, Gina, and I'd wanted to be away from them, for one night, so she'd kept them for me, and she lived there, in that building, and they were dead, they must be dead, the cats, my girls, and I wailed, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!", and woke and there was Gladys, all restless and pawing, and wanting to come under, then over, and mraow. Now, online, writing, reading, raspberries and cream coffee, email, and soon a soap episode to watch so I can tape today's, and then... We go to visit the Guru. More later. Cost of the War in Iraq
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