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Sunday, Sept. 22, 2002 / 10:57 p.m. ~Before It's No Longer Today~ I think I just heard Nick Drake on the TV, and not "Pink Moon" Nick Drake, but something else, on a Met Life commercial, but I'm not sure because I'm here, not there, by the TV. I'm watching the Emmy Awards, and it's almost over...... They've got a great set design this year, for the 54th Annual show, wow, 54 years of TV, anyway, these really old, presumably refurbished TVs all over the stage. It looks very cool, I think. And I like Conan O'Brien, he is surprisingly cracking me up. Um, right. As I said, it's not over yet. Three plus hours. Ai yi yiiii. Is that how you spell it? It's a long fucking show, that's all I've got to say. I can't sit through it. I mean, I love to see the gowns, the hairstyles, and Conan is funny, and some of the commercials are cool (Moby sold rights to "We Are All Made of Stars" to Intel!!! Yikes!), but some of these shows I've never watched and I never will, and some of these actors I couldn't care less about, so there you have it. For some reason I am having a supreme difficulty typing right now. It's crazy, but probably for the best as I have not much to say at all. I was online most of yesterday, ended up listening to the BB3 live feed until Danielle and Lisa went to sleep, sitting here listening to them sigh and breathe heavily after saying their "Good Night"s, knowing they'd not be able to fall asleep from the excitement of their big day, the live eviction, knowing they're each guaranteed $50,000, but not knowing who is going to win $500,000 until Wednesday. Yikes, again. Lots of yikes here. That, and playing Hearts with strangers on Yahoo! at 5:00 in the morning, then chatting in a Yahoo! chat until 6:30. I know, crazy. I 'met' a 21 year old poet who lives in NYC. Okay, so "West Wing" just won Best Drama, did I miss the dang Best Comedy award?? Oh hell. I've been watching for hours and I decide to come in here and write and I miss the climax? Anyway, disjointed as this is, it was a Full Moon last night, it was the Autumnal Equinox, the Harvest Moon, and maybe I was a bit affected, and maybe I finally couldn't access chats or live games or anything else with the old computer and I hadn't really tried with the new one, so yeah, I had fun online. Today I slept. And I had plans to accomplish a few things when I got up, so I did. Washing dishes, cooking the last of my fresh food from shopping two weeks ago (!), and doing laundry. Done. Some "Guiding Light"s on tape, and now the Emmys, and that's about it. I have more of my tape to watch, if my VCR will continue to function - it's very temperamental lately. Okay, they announced Best Comedy last, they never did that before, they've ALWAYS saved Best Drama for final award, but either way, "Friends" won, and I'm glad for them. I used to watch that show religiously, but now "Survivor" is on at the same time, and I missed the entire last season and feel I don't want to jump in late, so I stopped watching. Sad, I know. I miss it. Fun, fun. I love TV, always have, I'm of the "TV Generation", I grew up watching, everything, from Ed Sullivan to "Bewitched" and every show that now plays on TV Land or Nick at Nite. TV shaped me, in a way. I'm a media junkie, a pop culture whore. And I'm proud. So, right, I stayed up all night last night, slept all day today, and now what? Christ, I'll never be able to sleep. And we've got two people out tomorrow, D., the Supervisor, told us "No Call-Outs", and I don't know what a "Call-Out" is, I guess she means don't call IN sick. Whatever. I can't be forbidden to be sick. But I'm feeling okay right now..... What else, what else, what else? Nothing, and everything. I keep smelling copier toner. That horrible metallic smell I get when I'm making copies at work, when I lean in too far and I inhale that acrid odor. I keep thinking I'm smelling it, and it took me a while to place it, but that's it. So I inhale deeply and try to smell it to be sure, but I smell nothing. What's with phantom odors? Oh, "Waydowntown" was on yet again last night. It must be Sundance's movie of the month or something. So I watched the beginning, then "The Dreamlife of Angels", a very peculiar French movie. As most French movies are. And ultimately very sad and poignant, yet incredibly well acted. I swear, if you could see me type right now you'd think I just learned. It's like I've lost my brain functioning. I can form the words, I know what I want to say, but I can't get the information to my fingers. Thank god for the backspace key. I think I may have dreamed about Moby last night. I may have dreamed about men. I don't remember a thing. Norma was following me from room to room as I watched the end of the Emmys. Now she's faking sleep. I know she's really awake, but she looks to be out cold. It rained heavily again last night, and I understand there has been severe flooding in town. People evacuating homes in boats. I haven't been outside since JimmyU dropped me off Friday night. And we exchanged strange email letters last night, confessing odd feelings and clarifications, as usual. Only, and always in email. Suddenly I feel confused and out of sorts, and it's a Sunday night thing. Several moments in the Emmy ceremony were emotional. Seeing people so happy, remembering September 11th, 2001, etc. Major holding back of tears. And I'm hot now. I wish I could stay home tomorrow and dust. I really want to be home. I'm here, now, and all I want to do is come back here. Like I already know how it will feel to be at work tomorrow and wishing I was here. I could go on, I think, about how I feel, or how I felt, or how things make me feel, or inspire me, or encourage, or sadden, but really I need to get back to the TV, watch my tape. And I'm noticing the crunch, how late it is already, how little time is left, how much I never did, and it's just not enough, two days, to live again. I feel like there was more I wanted to say, but I'm drawing a little blank, so this is it for now. Just wanted to get it in, you know, before it's no longer today and we've gone into tomorrow. Cost of the War in Iraq
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