|
2002-01-05 / 11:40 p.m. ~Being There, Then, and Waiting for Something Good, Post-"Cast Away"~ I just went back and read several of my diary entries from July. I wanted to look at my new design again - I would like a black border around the center table, but I can't figure out how to do it...other changes too, I'd like to make, but don't feel like figuring out, not yet - and I thought about how I need to change the "older" page too, I guess, so I clicked on it to see, scrolled down, wanted to read something old, something from when I felt differently, and I landed on July. Seems like a lifetime ago. I can feel everything I felt then, whenever, when I read what I wrote in the past, this diary being no exception. And as I was reading, as I do sometimes, I thought, hey, this is good. That sentence, that should've landed in Quoted! I wrote that? Hey, I like it, yeah. And I keep clicking, click "next", read another, "next", and another, and I get lost in it, my life from the past 7 months. Wow. I had to stop. Tonight I watched "Cast Away" on HBO, and it was really good. I think Tom Hanks should've been nominated for an Oscar. He wasn't, was he? I don't think so, but he was good, all that acting all by himself. It was a really good story, I thought, with a good prologue and a decent epilogue. I like it when they wrap everything up at the end of a movie. I hate to be left hanging. I haven't done anything besides be online and watch that movie. I've been online all day, left myself hooked up while I watched the movie. I ordered a CD from Half.com, Fatboy Slim's last CD. It's supposed to be "like new", $11.80 with shipping. I can't wait to get it! I also ordered Anthony Bourdain's new book, A Cook's Tour, autographed, from the Food Network's web site. I'm paying a good bit inlcuding shipping and handling, but I liked that it would be autographed. Of course, the possibility exists that he will do a book tour, a tour of signings around the country, and I could go and meet him and get the book personally signed, but what if he were to sign and he came during the day and I couldn't go? So, I bought it. Online. I want to shop more. I want to buy more CDs. I want some Madonna CDs, I want a lot of music. I also want to go back to Barnes and Noble and buy that Spam calendar. I've got to have it. And Tarzhay to get more winter clothes. I want/need more sweaters, some new pants, maybe another hat. I need things. I want things. I just want to be happy. I'm meaning to go through my huge stack of free weekly newspapers, clip articles I want to save, then take them to be recycled. I pulled them away from the wall, they're by the front door now, waiting for me, but I don't feel like getting covered in newsprint. I don't want to get dirty. I want to crawl under the down comforter with Gladys and watch twenty or thirty movies, some I've seen, some I haven't. I want to order takeout from my favorite Thai restaurant and have them deliver it to me. I want someone else around to do some things for me. Maybe a maid, one I can watch as she cleans, "Don't forget to clean UNDER the bed, be careful with that vase, it's really expensive, make sure you take every book off every shelf as you dust!", etc. Maybe a private chef....."Could you cook up some salmon tonight? Some steamed veggies maybe? Do you do Thai?", etc. Maybe I still wish my diary were up and out there for strangers to find, me hoping that someone wonderful would happen upon it, like when Derek read almost all of it one night and I followed him as he read......Oh wow, he's reading it ALL! But he wasn't the one. Don't you ever just want something wonderful to happen? Doesn't it sometimes seem like it's been too long since you've been truly happy, truly lucky, too long since you've been awestruck? I am waiting, I am the person who is waiting for the good things to happen. When? How much longer? I'm starting to get crampy, my hips hurt, I've lost my appetite, I ate hash browns and sausage links two days in a row, popcorn two days in a row before that. I want a pizza, but it's too late to order. I think I'll simply go and see what movies are on next. Between IFC, Sundance, Bravo, all the HBOs and Cinemaxes, WE, Oxygen, AMC, TCM, and etc., etc., there always seems to be something not too objectionable. Not too. That time should be now, something to occupy my time, my mind, to take me away, so I can escape from the waiting. For now. Meanwhile, the two of you who look for new updates, have you read my whole diary? I know, it's old news, like reading an old newspaper, but it's not bad, some of the writing is pretty good, and I actually used to go out and do things. You should check it out, read something from June or July, or August maybe. Something before all of this, now. Or not. It's clearly up to you. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |