|
Friday, May. 07, 2004 / 9:21 p.m. ~Songs Stuck~ I wish I had him to talk to now. Or a letter he's written to read, or that somewhere it were still daylight and we could lie on our backs and stare up at the clouds as they move across the sky. I'm in the habit now of playing songs I like over and over. Once is no longer enough. If it's good I want to stay in it, live in it, whatever it is. I feel restless inside myself. This morning I saw the moon in the sky, in early daylight, a piece of it missing, and I remembered a time sitting outside watching it rise and set again. I wanted to romanticize that moment, but then the details came back and I realized it wasn't all I wanted it to be, not all of that memory. I selectively choose to remember only the rising and the setting. The wet grass in the morning, the dress I wore that I never saw again. Now is one song I spent a day listening to. Over and over, like it contained some message I had to decipher, nothing about it was easy, but it comforted me. It described me. I listen to it now and I can remember how I felt then, what that moment, that daylong moment was, and where I thought I was going with it, what I wanted, or hoped, or feared, or all at the exact same time. And sometimes I think I don't leave this place because I know what's out there. I know what I am capable of. I've seen me do it. I've stood above me and watched me, I've shaken my head while watching, I've scoffed and chided and later chastised. And then there were the times nothing happened at all and I wondered why. It made no sense when all the circumstances were in place. When it was all so perfect. Today a feeling rushed across me, and I felt I wanted to fall asleep wrapped up in someone's arms. Someone hugged me and I held on too long. I pressed against her firmly, I soaked her up before I pulled away. Moments of touching, unexpectedly. I miss intimate interactions. And then I am steely and hardened to them. I want nothing of the sort. I simply want more, but there's no defining moment of that more. No description. Another song: This years love had better last Turning circles when time again This years love had better last So whose to worry This years love had better last Yes. Yes. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |