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Monday, May. 23, 2005 / 8:45 p.m. ~I Feel Nothing~ Bass Ale and white cheddar microwave popcorn are an excellent combination. And having Bass Ale to drink, at home, is really cozy and nice. And... the season finale of "24" is good, good, good. I'm having too much fun. Commercial break, this is. I'm still thinking about yesterday, and I'm so insulted, really. I wrote that email letter months ago, I confessed to deep feelings I'm not sure I even feel anymore, then, not now, and to hold that against me, to think that I'll be hurt because he doesn't feel the same, well, it's all that's not said that's always the worst, the most potent, isn't it? I want to say don't flatter yourself, and I want to say you missed out, and I want to say do you see these thighs? Do you know how I'm feeling, that that was all about sex, it was only about sex, and that you are missing it, you are missing these thighs now, and I want to hear Aerosmith's "Lord of the Thighs", because this is what is on my mind, pure sex and a head between my legs, not feelings of love for someone who never felt a thing for me. Ooooooh, "...his name is... Jack... Bauer"! Good good show, good good, good, just coming back from commercial, again, trying to stay on this wavelength, and I know I have a point, let's see if I can capture it again. I offered up what I felt, then, I exposed myself, I let my guard down, I told him what he asked to know, I told him why, I told him I wanted to be with him, and he holds on to that as some sort of ammunition, some sort of gift, and I selfishly want it back, thinking I never should have given it. This show is so good, seriously, I'm only coming in here on commercials, but the last scene was quite literally nail-biting, and gripping, again, quite literally. It's okay, it was a moment, the thing yesterday, was it yesterday?, it was, right?, but I don't feel anything anymore, don't think I do, and if I did? Would I tell him? Would I let him know anything I really feel, anymore, ever, again? Not on my life. I think I'm going to have another beer, because I'm having fun, and I like that I have beer to drink at home, it's cheap this way, and I'm all about the cheap these days. I won't be forgetting any of this anytime soon, and it means nothing to no one, not even to him, but it was a milestone, and this, this is one too, but right now there are no feelings, not for him, not for anyone, and all there is is this "24", suspense and violence and climax and me biting a nail or two and drinking a beer and enjoying salty snacks, and my smooth white thighs, because I am sexual and all I wanted was sex, I feel nothing. Cost of the War in Iraq
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