|
Tuesday, May. 24, 2005 / 7:32 p.m. ~I Got to Spend it With Me~ As soon as I got up and opened the vertical blinds, saw the perfect day outside, I knew I had to be out in it, and so I made a plan, and I stuck to it, and I'm happy with that. First, I had to check email, and luckily I drew the line there, did not cross it, except to say hello to 'the boy', and ask him if he is afraid to see me in person, as I know the last lover is, and I lump them together, the two Cancer men, bundles of emotions all tied up wound up held up inside of themselves, knowing me, and 'knowing' me, and I, Ms. hotbed of passion, Ms. Emotion Personified, both these men afraid of me, purely and simply, and both to whom I confessed a great deal of feelings, and potential mostly, for future feelings, both who ran, ran ran ran fast from me, and now are skeered, plainly, simply. 'The boy' claims no fear, says we will get together soon, it's been crazy busy, but I think back on the last time we saw each other live and in person, and what he did to me, the pain he caused, and I'm not sure he'll get the pleasure. Maybe he'll move out of state and he'll never see me again. Inconclusive, this. I had a plan with myself though, so showered and dressed quickly and really took very little, drove the long way to the recycling center, and separated it all in the wind, wind, heavy heavy wind, and chatted up an elderly woman doing the same, asking if she could recycle this, and what about that, and is this okay?, and thank you thank you thank you, and I thought again how much I love the elderly, and how I really should volunteer to help them out somehow, and how I love them, little kids, and animals, these are the best the world has to offer, really. And then into the Farmer's Market to look around, and that place is too huge, too vast, too much of too much of everything exists in there, and no sandwiches, which was all I wanted, so after a pee, and a strong desire to photograph myself there in the sinks section of that huge bathroom, the mirrors behind mirrors causing that infinity in mirrors reflection thing, but resisted and went to the Quizno's I had passed, and I love that little neighborhood, and they've built all these lofts there now, and I'd live there if I could afford it, and I felt rather carefree, such a lovely day, and the wind, the wind, wow, the wind. Italian sub on wheat, with everything but jalapenos, and some water and to the park, this was my plan, and I have a blanket I carry in my car, so I laid it out in the shade of two very old oak trees, and got chilly finally, after inhaling said sub, and drinking some water, and shooting the last three pictures on a roll of very old film, and sat to watch the people and their dogs, and the dogs and their dogs, all cavorting and cowering when 'owners' came near, and thinking these dogs have all been beaten at some point, but they're off leashes and they're loving the beautiful day, and the wind and the temperature which is of the perfection variety, and then a couple with a toddler, and a kite. And the kite ended up in the only tree which appears dead, as no leaves are on it anywhere, and all the others are full with them, the leaves, and I shielded my sunglassed eyes from the sun and watched that kite hang there in the branches, and the people try to extricate, and thought how sad they lost it, and thought they had given up, but then there they were again, determined, and it came loose, and he went with it, and couldn't stop flying it, and I thought can't leave well enough alone, eh?, you'll get it stuck somewhere else now, and then a younger couple with a fancier kite, but they had no determination, and gave up after a few tries. And I had moved to the sunny spot, left the shade, too cool there, and watched the dogs and the boys with their dogs, and the girls with their dogs, and forgot all about the cats, shhhh, don't tell them, I told them I missed them, but wanted a dog of my own there and then, and toyed with ordering Chinese, but thought of some foods at home, and my beer, and came back, and on my way to get the mail there were the chihuahuas again, and one kept trying to give me a big dead leaf, and I told him/her how cute that was, and the 'owner' stood eating a banana, still in his button down shirt, and his tie, and I wonder which apartment he lives in. But I have on shorts now, and I notice this knot is still on the back of my shoulder, the knot I said was a cancerous tumor, see, it really hurts when I turn my head to the left, weeks now, and isn't it always something with me? But it was a perfect day, and now that I'm here, I'm back, and kids are outside screaming, as they always are, I wish I was back there, intown, I wish I lived there, and I'm hungry again, but it feels like I had a big full day, and it was a perfect day, and I'm glad I got to spend it with me. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |