|
Wednesday, May. 25, 2005 / 8:59 p.m. ~Only Shows To Go Ya~ One of my myriad of different horoscopes for today told me I'd be 'industrious', that I couldn't be held back, oh, that I'd be cleaning up various aspects of my life and putting things in order, and being insanely productive. Hah! I woke up too early and was thusly exhausted and out of sorts, ended up napping, which is a glorious thing, I never thought I'd love a nap so much, but it was dreamy, and in fact, I had a weird dream... I was looking out a window, or stepping out on a sidewalk, one of those dream inconsistencies wherein I'm one place one minute, another the next, but there was a twentysomething girl walking her dog on a leash, a gray dog, maybe an actual grayhound, with short hair and a curvy back, and as the dog bent its body down toward the ground in a familiar crouchy position, the better in which to defecate, she dragged it on its leash, shit falling out of ass behind it. I yelled at her, something, like "Hey! Hey!!! Stop that!! Your dog needs to shit, you brought your dog out to defecate, and urinate, and you can't stop it from doing so, that's unhealthy!", and etc. I went on and on until she walked over to me, and her own anger melted into a bit of a smile and she actually listened to me. She thought it was 'gross' her dog was shitting, but I explained it's perfectly normal, the dog needs to be fed regularly, and once or twice a day the dog will need to eliminate, move its bowels, and will need to empty its bladder more often, depending on water consumed. I didn't look for a job, again, and I'm starting to worry a bit, only because it doesn't look good, this not even looking thing, but it's starting to feel good, finally, more relaxed. Last week's three interviews and four jobs applied for was rough, and I hate being in that mode, that artificial smile wearing a suit trying to get a job I don't even want mode. It's not me. Sitting on my ass is me, and napping late afternoon, and sitting on a blanket in the park eating an Italian sub, and driving into town with the sun roof open, and having the a/c off inside, and the windows open, and thank god it's low 70s and dry dry dry! The air feels so nice right now, and I'm saving money with the a/c off, and I'm staying in and eating in, and only going out occasionally, and really I'm living so frugally. But, I do have requirements, I do need to be looking, and in a month my cousin will be here, so I need to seriously consider preparing for her ever so brief visit, and other than that, really, this is a good time, especially when I let myself stop thinking it's a bad time. This is much better than it was, and it could be worse, so therefore, all is peachy and keen and such. Still have that weird knot in the back of my shoulder, and it's been at least a couple weeks for that, so I could worry about it, but I know my body and how everything weird eventually sorts itself out. And I'm letting the recent humiliation go too. If people get the wrong idea about me, there is little I can do to right the wrong. Especially if 'people' are unwilling to communicate. Alas, I'm taking my online astrologer's advice on this one: We can influence the opinion that others have of us, but we cannot control it. We cannot force people to see us in a particular way. Nor can we afford to worry too much if they get the wrong idea about who we are and what we are all about. You are now eager to be understood. You would also like to be recognised and respected for all the good you have done... and are doing. The best way to ensure this happens is to think less about whether or not it is happening! I know I have a tendency to back down and say, "Ah, well, I've done all I can do", and then try even harder to do even more, but sometimes, even I recognize futility. I don't like someone misinterpreting me, misunderstanding me, thinking something about me that is decidedly not true at all, but if all attempts to persuade that person to believe what is true fail, I think I can recognize a losing proposition. This is frustrating, but I see how ridiculous it is, and while I hate that I can't get my point across, I am not going to be heard, I'm shut out, as always (sigh), I'll be fine. I need more time. Time heals all, and this too shall pass. This I know. My life has nothing to do with any of that. And thank god for that. And, thank god for "Guiding Light", oldest running soap opera. I really enjoy my "Guiding Light"s on tape, fast forwarding through commercials, pausing the action, watching as many as I want, stopping to see what movies are coming on cable, going back to the tape. This is a good time, and no, it doesn't take much. I suppose it makes me a bit sad that there are people who think they know me, but don't, and won't take time to find out that I'm not what they thought, but if that's the case, are those people worth it? Were they ever? Food for thought, eh? I don't forget anyone, but I have moved away from many. And continue to do so still. Overall, I dislike people very much. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |