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2001-12-31 / 1:08 p.m. ~Dream Cycles, Calendars, Determination to Get Good Thai Takeout, Lack of Pay Phones, Brief Aloneness, Champagne and Happy New Year!~ Actually, I don't wake periodically to pee. I wake, periodically, but I cannot figure out why. I took special note today, as I was sleeping late. Each time I would wake up it would be from a dream, a dream that was essentially "over". And it wasn't just the waking that made it over, it was more like short films, they only last 15 minutes or so, max, or so it seems, more likely it's hours. The last one involved my sister, or at least I think she was my sister (in reality, my sister died when I was 11), she fell off her wooden cloggy shoes, just as I said she would, one broke into many pieces, she fell into her computer, a good deal of data lost, data of an article, or a speech she was to give. I was shopping, for food, in a large warehouse like place, the Farmers Market I'd guess, and I realized that this was all the food that would be left. Something had happened, an apocalypse of sorts and this was it. So I added a bit more to my cart. But a man was behind me, an impatient man trying to find the shortest checkout line and my cashier was fast, so I didn't add much. In another, or possibly the beginning of that, dream, I was at my brother and sister-in-law's house. And I have dreamed about them a good bit lately. We haven't seen each other in nearly 4 years. But each time I woke, I looked at the cats, sleeping soundly beside me, listened for a noise, a clue, there was none. I could only think that I would dream until the dream was done, wake up to indicate it had run its allotted time, then get back to dreaming more. No other explanation is available. I do realize that with so much time off my sleep pattern is totally skewed. I am in the recent habit of eating dinner and becoming very sleepy, watching a movie whilst sitting on the sofa, then once reclined I am quick to fall asleep. I sleep for hours, in fits and starts, the cats jumping on me and off me, waking me, and each time in the midst of a dream, then I get up to go to bed early in the morning, 5:00 or 6:00. Into bed, sleep, dreams, wake up, dreams, wake up. Etc. I read that narcoleptics dream excessively. They lay their heads down, fall asleep instantly and begin to dream. They only seem to dream while asleep, nothing but dreaming, but they are prone to falling asleep at random. I am not. I am not narcoleptic, but I cannot seem to cease dreaming. Last night I was amazed by my own determination. I had not found any decent calendars at Media Play, and was most disturbed by this as they had an excellent selection last year and I had purchased several for myself and others. I was set on checking out a bookstore, one of the big "box" stores, Barnes and Noble or Borders. So it was I headed out to Barnes and Noble and there was their usual selection of a calendar for every taste imaginable...... Old English Sheepdogs, Border Collies, Swimsuit models, airplanes, boats, Paris, Italy, Provence, Wildflowers, Rottweilers, Spam (yeah, that one was wild, old adverts of Spam!), ferrets, rabbits, cats, kittens, Weimeraners, Greenpeace, Kliban, Elvis in the "early years", really, on and on and on and on, and I looked at them all. I wanted the Wegman Puppies calendar, carried it with me, until I found the Greenpeace calendar, and the Charles Wysocki cats, and the Kliban, and I got the Hello Kitty, for whom??? I'm not sure. Last year I gave one to Lilly and she promptly removed the sheet of stickers, stuck them everywhere, including herself, her mom and me. I hung the calendar for her, but when I went back later in the year, it was nowhere to be seen. I think her mom gave it away.......and this made me feel bad. I'll keep it for me this year, I guess. And there were boxed Christmas cards, all 50% off, so I bought 3 boxes, for the next 3 years, and wrapping paper, really fancy wrapping paper, expensive, 20% off, but the cashier charged it at 50%. And a Sydney Omarr Aries book for 2002, not on sale. I like to look at my daily horoscope, then scoff when it's wrong. And it usually is. Sometimes it's coincidentally accurate. I'd been in an odd mood, and when I saw the moon, full and bright, hanging overhead I blamed it on that. It's the Moon, surely. But I'd watched "Jennifer 8", not from the beginning, but flipped to it, and couldn't stop. It was so suspenseful, but overall very creepy in its mood. When it was over I felt very alone. It hit me suddenly as I went into the bedroom, as moods sometimes will, enter a different room, look at the phone, consider going out, something, anything, and there it is, I have no one. Not one friend with whom I am intimate, with whom I can share myself. No family, no one close, no lover. It hammers me on the head, it seeps its way inside and takes over my conscious mind from time to time, it's in the back, it moves forward, and wham! There it is. I shove it away, absorb it, take it in, get rid of it. But at Barnes and Noble, open 'til 11:00 on a Sunday, with calendars to please everyone, everyone, really, I found what I wanted, mostly on sale, was pleased, spent $80, and left to find a pay phone. There are few pay phones near here. I think they don't install them because everyone has cell phones now, and for a moment I felt stupid for not having one. I tried to call my favorite Thai restaurant, but their line was busy. Over and over it was busy. I drove closer, I'll just drive there, I thought, but it's far, and I don't want to sit and wait, there, I want to order ahead. Intown the phones are 50 cents, and this I couldn't figure out. How did we go to 35 to 50 cents? Why? For a local call? Where is the justice? I ordered my food, the restaurant was packed, I felt alone again, I should be there, in a chair at a table, wine in my hand, laughing, sharing, with someone, but I was picking up takeout and I felt pitiful, for a moment. I got past it, I did, and I came home and ate Basil Rolls, Nam Sod, Chicken Coconut Milk Soup and Tofu Garlic Pepper, my usual, and I was satisfied, and happy, and I watched Joan Crawford in "Female on the Beach" on Oxygen, because the synopsis called it "tawdry". Oxygen had a black space at the bottom of the screen where they showed little messages, info about Crawford, typed in, little sentences, blurbs, info about the film, the other star, Jeff Chandler, how he went gray when he was only 15, how Joan had an affair with Barbara Stanwyck, was attracted to Garbo, was highly sexed, accoring to herself, used to get drunk and have to be carried to bed. She was an interesting character.....It was annoying, but at times funny and campy, like Pop-Up Video, without the popups. And when I went to bed, at 4:00, after sleeping on the sofa, I watched "Michael", or most of it, and it wasn't bad. I never saw it because it didn't appeal to me, but it was entertaining, and I was glad when the little dog Sparky came back to life.......he was cute. Today, I need to buy Anna and Guenter some champagne glasses, I think. I'm still not sure. I have an email in to Anna, but she may be too busy to get online. I may have to break down and use the telephone to communicate! I bought a really nice bottle of champagne, or at least I think it's nice. They only had like a million to choose from at the liquor store, and I had no idea which to get. Sure, there was Moet Chandon and Perrier Jouet, the really good stuff, but I didn't want to pay $40 and over, I wanted to pay $20, but I ended up paying $29. I chose Mumm's. On the label it said they've been making Champagne since 1827, so I thought, well, they should know what they're doing by now. I just didn't want cheap California stuff, I wanted Champagne from Champagne, from the actual region. Not just sparkling wine, but Champagne, see, I've changed that "C" to a capital "C" the past few sentences. Anyway, it occurred to me that since Anna and Guenter are here temporarily on a Green Card Lottery, not sure they're staying, and they only brought a few things, they may not have champagne glasses......I'd hate to drink $29 champagne from plastic cups, you know? I also have a coupon to see a free movie at an AMC theatre, and it expires today, so I may run out to see something. Or not. The Weather Channel says we are going to get snow, a good amount, that's what they say, in the next three days. Today's high is only 39 or so, and the wind chill now is 22. My car did not run well last night. I was told I need a new fuel pump and carburetor.....almost 3 years ago. I hope I make it tonight, and to work this week. This cold weather may force me to get the car fixed. Yikes. Okay, I'm off to live my day. I'm going to hang up my Wysocki calendar on the bathroom door (I'll miss the Georgia O'Keefe calendar...), and the Greenpeace on my bedroom door, the Susan Branch on the wall next to the coat closet (I'll miss the lizards calendar......), and the Kliban and the Hello Kitty? Well, um, I'm not sure. I may take Hello Kitty to my cubicle at work! Happy New Year to anyone who reads this, though I doubt anyone will......before New Year's Day, anyway. Cost of the War in Iraq
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