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Tuesday, Jul. 20, 2004 / 7:20 p.m. ~Sort of Flow of Consciousness Ranting On TV News, Dreaming, Bad Drivers, and Turn On Your TV~ I dreamed there were fires and explosions all around, and yet I was in the midst of some period piece, some historical drama. Details are hazy now, but I think it was my home in danger, and I was reconciled. It was going to be fine. So all my belongings would be ruined, couldn't I sift through the rubble? There I was watching orange and yellow fires light the night sky, and thinking that as soon as the ground cooled I could go in with some sort of sifter and find what I wanted. Jewelry, trinkets. It's confused, still, like I can almost see it again, and there was some time in a public bathroom, and I realize I often dream I'm in a vast public bathroom, many stalls, people in and out. Why? I know I saw something on the news about wildfires Out West, two different states, and somewhere it stuck in my subconscious mind, and somewhere I remember thinking, Ah yes, California, Santa Ana winds, wildfires, earthquakes, mudslides. Asia, earthquakes, famine, drought. The Middle East, fighting, bombs. Local news? Gunshot wounds, babies left in hot cars, abused dogs, abused children, abused elderly, abused women, house fires, apartment fires. I'm in the midst of a phase wherein I cannot stand it. I turn it on, I hear the tease, "Stay tuned for the latest on the baby found in the dumpster!"... NO, I will do no such thing. "Next, the story you won't want to miss, look what happened when this dog's owner dragged him behind his pickup truck for half a mile!"... NO, are you fucking out of your fucking mind? You get off on this shit or what? You fucking sadist. Let's talk about how we can help our communities, let's talk about making the world a better place, let's see some of the good in the world, and stop trying to tell me that you think you know what MY weather will be like tomorrow. Whoa. That was spontaneous. I only meant to mention my dream, and the fact that my head hurts, and that it has hurt all day, and that I can go days with a headache and not really notice. Aries=Head. I'm eating cold Thai rice noodles. I'm wearing a lime green t-shirt that is tight around my chest, and it feels soft and sexy, I like the way it clings to me. It's old, like twenty years old old, and I don't see what's wrong with wearing old clothes. Why is it okay to buy something old, something 'vintage', in a Vintage Boutique, to pay a lot of money for some groovy old bellbottoms, or an old concert t-shirt, but if you have it in your closet from when you went to the concert yourself you're considered a freak and a packrat? Hmmmm? People, why are we so fucked up? What is wrong with this picture? And why do people take their driving tests when they're sixteen years old and never again? So you pass by a hair, and you have a license for life? Every four years you look into some funky looking binoculars at some red numbers on a screen and read them off to a bored government worker who really doesn't care if you drive legally or not, and you can drive for another four years? No test? What if you never did really learn when to yield? What if you passed by accident, because you were answering "C" to all the questions? I'm just saying. It's not just my head, it's my neck. Ow, pain. It's the "I'm coming down with something, or trying to, or my body is fighting, I can feel it, the immune system is in overdrive, working overtime, overworked and underpaid" thing. We'll figure it out. But that dream was wild. And I woke up so tired, I could barely open my eyes. Fires everywhere, but there was more, I was with someone, there was someone there. I don't look for meaning in my dreams. I honestly believe they are a result of major brain activity whilst in an unconscious state. I'm just thinking, like I normally do, but speeded up, so it's all jumbled together, while I'm sleeping. Oh, oh, oh, the other day, I guess last Saturday when I slept 'til 4:00 because I was fucking exhausted!, I was having a dream, I woke up, and I went back into it. No shit, it freaked me out because I was totally lucid about it. Ah, must finish my noodles, find more foodstuffs to ingest. And tonight is fantastic TV night. Seems to always fall on Tuesdays. "Gilmore Girls" repeat, "Big Brother", "Amazing Race" (oops, "Queer Eye..." is on at the same time - it's all about choices). Pop some popcorn, clean the litter, change the diapers, cook dinner, do what you need to do, turn on the TV and get it warmed up NOW! Cost of the War in Iraq
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