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Friday, Jan. 21, 2005 / 6:21 p.m. ~Re-taking the Stage~ 'Add an entry', take two. Clearly I've lost my momentum. Maybe if I start with facts I can do this. The car is going to be okay, for now. I was worried, and well I should have been, but I have a car repair ally at work, someone so very knowledgeable and willing to help in so very many ways, and with his advice and expertise I've relaxed, a lot. I priced some new parts today, got an estimate on more work done, but, eh, this is boring... Okay, let's try this instead, the ex-husband of my best friend in high school, circa 9th grade, is writing to me via Classmates.com. He just emailed me pictures, one 'then', one 'now', and good god, could a person change any more drastically? It's like he's not the same person. Can't be. I asked him if he's going through some sort of mid-life crisis, if that's why he suddenly decided to contact me. He has the 'gold membership' and everything. And a 'network' too. Crazy. He says it's not a midlife crisis, but a general one, and included requisite smiley emoticon. This isn't so hard, this writing online for strangers thing. Speaking of, I think it's funny that I have two really dedicated fans, or this diary has. You guys are a little obsessed though, I mean come on. Seriously. You check my diary so many times a day, a week, anxiously awaiting an update, like I'm not a person, I'm a soap opera. I guess this is like the encapsulations, or synopses on the CBS Daytime pages. One could never watch "Guiding Light" at all, and probably not miss too much, if one simply went to that web site and read those things. But, they are convoluted, and I've found typos, important, crucially mis-typed typos (redundant much?), names in the wrong places. Ack, so it wasn't Cassie, it was Reva? But, wait, that can't be right. Etc. I had tentative dinner plans for this evening, but the problem with tentative dinner plans is that they can be too tentative sometimes. Someone needs to make a decision, firm things up, write it in ink, not pencil. And, does pencil refer to the method of getting words to paper, like ink does to pen, or is there a better euphemism? Lead? Are pencils still using lead? I know there are leaded pencils, but are all of them? This is a waste of your time, if you're reading this now, come on, don't you think? Okay, let's start over, but leave all of the above in place. It was a traumatic week. Spending hundreds of dollars I don't have, on car repairs, and feeling very ripped off in the process, is not fun. Nope, not my idea of a good time. A vehicle inspection which leaves me in fear of driving said vehicle upon which I've just spent hundreds of dollars is not good either. And then the usual, work stuff, let's leave that alone altogether. In fact, it's Friday, it's all gone, all of it. Poof! Let's instead discuss how the outside temperatures went from a bone chilling 18 degrees or so, to a balmy near 70, in a matter of a day or two. It's insane, it is. I think I should skip the dinner and open a can of soup. Or should I go alone? This is a possibility, now that I'm not afraid to drive my car. But, I still need two new tires. Of course now they're on the back instead of the front, thanks to 'manager's special'-included tire rotation, and thank god, yes, but yes, right. Will this suffice? The two of you who can't seem to get enough of my life? I feel I've updated you now. It's nice to know you care, but like I said, it seems obsessive. The constant checking. One's in Wisconsin, the other in Japan, right? Have I got it right? Thanks for your loyalty, it's very flattering, really. I should let you know, I had a bit of an online writer's crisis this week. Did you notice? I decided I wasn't sure I could do this anymore, not Diaryland, not LiveJournal, nothing. So I didn't. I came home after work and turned on the TV, watched news, and the aforementioned "Guiding Light"s on tape (no synopsis reading for me, I like to watch), I didn't even turn the computer on. I checked email from work, read a few journals, but didn't feel good about my exhibitionistic tendencies. I felt there was too little payback, and not that I needed, or wanted attention, feedback, I just felt like I was performing for a small crowd of total strangers, and backed off the stage, slowly, hoping no one would notice. Few did, which could make me feel several different emotions, but overall, eh. Eh. I am hungry though, so this will come to a close. And I think I'd like to get back in the swing again. The daily updating felt good, it did, here more than 'there'. It tends to skew, to list, to vary, to wax and wane, all of it. And really, I don't know why I'm registered at Classmates.com. There is no going back. I have little desire to connect with anyone I knew when I was 16 years old. **Addendum to note, I forgot to mention the very real 'post-lottery depression' I experienced this week, namely Wednesday. Someone in my state won $130 million, and I won... nothing. I honestly invest far too much hope in this thing, this lottery thing, and when I combine it with a favorable and auspicious astrological forecast, well, I was convinced, I shall say. Convinced. I only wanted the $5,000. Just for a downpayment on a new car. Convinced I needed a new car, IMMEDIATELY, and that I could win. Really. Stop laughing. It hurt. It hurt not to win. Not even a lousy dollar. Cost of the War in Iraq
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