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Sunday, Mar. 06, 2005 / 11:53 a.m. ~How Much Is It All Worth?~ Last night I reverted back to the time when I thought I might own items valuable to others. That I might sit on a goldmine of artifacts, that I may actually have a link, through bloodlines, to someone rich and famous, and that the letters I have, written by Nate Leopold's wife to my mother, when one or both of them were still in Puerto Rico, might be 'worth' something, to 'someone'. I'd planned to watch "Compulsion", the movie based on the fictional account of the Leopolod/Loeb murder, but I lay on the sofa and fell asleep, promptly. Something about me and the horizontal position guarantees a loss of consciousness, and for this I am somewhat, only somewhat regretful. As it is, and I've calculated best I can, I've slept close to 30 hours since Friday night. I suppose I was tired? Am I tired all week? Am I tired permanently? Is it simply my age? Is it a full belly, a TV with so many movie channels, flannel pants, wool socks, a comfy 'throw', and two big old cats on a futon? It's not exactly comfortable, but I do sleep like a dead person anyway, not that dead people sleep, as that is something for the living, but I mean to say I lie so very still, except to wake and change positions when I've become uncomfortable enough to wake. I missed the film, needless to say, but I think I'd seen it before. And earlier in the evening I'd done some Googling (have you noticed the way the term "Google", as in "to Google", or "Googling" is making its way into pop culture? - I've seen it in two films just recently, "Hitch", in which the site is actually up on a monitor, and used to find info on someone, and in "Maid in Manhattan" last night, when J-Lo as mom to young Ty tells him to "Google it at school") on the subject of the murder, and Leopold himself, only to find out how it was he was paroled and 'migrated' to PR, and ended up somewhat of an ornithologist. His book was mentioned, a checklist of birds, and I recognized the title, realized I HAVE it on my shelf. I then wondered if IT is worth anything. Wondering if there is a Nathan Leopold fanatic out there, like one of the web site creators who've devoted hours to the subject of him, who'd want this book, who'd want to read Trudi's letters to my mom, who'd be interested to know that my parents were friends with them, this odd couple living in PR at the time my parents lived there. Three of them from Chicago, and that must have been the connection, initially, yes?? So much I don't know, and really there is no one to ask, but I am left with these things, these 'artifacts' I mention, what I haven't already sold, and there wasn't a lot. But I did sell the pipes, and I started thinking about them last night, and that huge diamond and sapphire ring, and my mom's pearls, and I started to feel so guilty, again, and realized I'd blocked a lot of it out, like how much I got for the pipes, and the wondering if we really are heirs to some castle in Germany, related to an actual Baron, was that true? And will I ever know anything about any of who I am and where my mother's family came from? But I have Nate Leopold's checklist of birds, and his wife's letters to my mom, and I need to read them some night, instead of passing gleefully into unconsciousness on the futon sofa at some ungodly early hour only to sleep the sleep of the dead for fourteen hours at a time. I fear I may have wasted yet one more weekend. Cost of the War in Iraq
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