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Tuesday, Jan. 29, 2002 / 11:50 a.m. ~Hand in Hand With Misanthropy~ Lest anyone think Entertainment Weekly is in the same category as People or some other celebrity gossip rag, get a gander at these words from the review of the Howard Cosell movie �Monday Night Mayhem�, by Ken Tucker, in the January 18 issue: Mr. Tucker refers to Cosell�s speaking style as ��emitting a verbal spray that is at once ornate, orotund, and obfuscatory.� I had to look up �orotund�. Apparently, John Turturro, as Howard Cosell, says, �They are waging a literary pogrom against me!�. �Pogrom�? Had to look that one up too. �An organized persecution or massacre, esp. of Jews�. Huh. Who knew? So, Hitler led a pogrom which ended the lives of over 6 million people, and not just Jews. A pogrom. Oh, listen to this sentence (I really love Ken Tucker�s reviews!): �Cosell had a way of making ill-read people�feel they were in the presence of a savant, and educated people feel in the presence of an amusing mountebank.� I had to look up �mountebank� too. �A charlatan, a quack�. Reading is fundamental, you know. I love needing a dictionary by my side as I read my little weekly entertainment mag (and I�ve always said �mag� instead of �zine�). It makes me realize how well worth the money my never ending �scrip. really is. Not that I need to be reminded. But still. Lulu�s chair has an awful squeak. I�m tempted to come in with a can of WD-40 and spray the hell out of it. And yes, I have a can at home. For some reason, I have two. Today, the girls are discussing shopping. Who has a sale on what. Have you been here, what about there, so and so is going out of business. Blah, blah, blah. While I look up orotund and pogrom and mountebank. I keep my fan on, sitting on my desk, pressed up against the cubicle wall. It sounds like I�m on an airplane, and Rasta�s radio becomes a din. It�s still not enough, but it helps, for now. My double burger from Hardee�s contained E Coli bacteria. Or salmonella. Or�something else. It went through me in liquid form. I knew I shouldn�t order it, I know better than to order �fast food�, ever, but I had that idea of a craving, and I took it too far. How is it that certain people cannot be alone? Cannot sit in a group and not talk to others? Oh, right, we�re all different, that�s what makes us all so wonderful. That�s crap though. I am a misanthrope. Oh, that squeak. Yeah, I�ve got to sneak in my can of grease�how and when�I�ll have to be surreptitious. I love that word. Last night�s �Rose Red� was a ripoff. Nothing ever happens. Typical Stephen King. I think it was the review in this week�s EW, written by Bruce Fretts, that swayed me. He pinpointed all of the flaws within this current mini-series. He knows King, knows his overused characterizations, his plot points, however clever at first, and now boring. (Quincey, one of the temps, stands in her cubicle, stands swaying. All the employees calling for W-2 reissues, desperate for their refunds, are African American. No lie. Yes, I can tell just by listening on the telephone. Oh yes. They�re uneducated, they slur when they speak, they cannot grasp simple concepts, like �You have to call back any time after Feb 1�. What? Huh? Why? Huh? Ignorant, more than that. Stupid. Low intelligence quotient. How do they function other than on the most basic levels, such as fucking, eating, shitting, breeding? I�m serious. The people at the other end of 95% of my incoming phone calls are the lowest form of human being alive on this planet. Oh, you think I�m racist? You think I have some prejudice? Hey, I�m just an observer in this life. And this, this is my observation. You come here and listen and tell me I�m lying. Live a day in my shoes and see what it�s really like, see how much I leave out because it would be considered overkill.) So, there�s all this buildup in �Rose Red�, but no payoff. It�s a tease, and as Bruce Fretts put it, it seems King ��phoned this one in�. Damn shame. I think I�ll skip Part 3. Um, I think. We�ll see. Continuing with the TV Journal�tonight is �Gilmore Girls�, one of the best written shows ever, and �24�, likewise, and then the prurient sleaze, the sexilicious (my new favorite word) �Real World � Chicago�. Something to look forward to. And what could be bad about that? I like to take a sip of water and hold it in my mouth. Almost every sip is like that. I puff out my cheeks, filled with water, looking like some white version of Dizzy Gillespie. I swallow only after a good swirl. Penelope asked if I want to join the Super Bowl pool. I can�t stand football. I�m not sure why, I just think it�s disgusting, the uniforms, the commercial appeal, the cheerleaders, the importance of it in our culture. I can wrap myself around ice hockey, 100%, and occasionally I enjoy baseball for the skill involved�but watching big fat men run around in really tight pants, piling onto each other in some homoerotic display for homophobes, slapping each other on the butt, etc�nah, I have tried to enjoy it, really, my father was quite the fanatic (most likely because he always had bets going, every game), but I just can�t. Now, rugby, yeah, they wear no padding, they wear shorts and knee socks, they just seem more�er�manly somehow. I am such a snob. Kind of goes hand in hand with the misanthropy. Norma and Gladys love perfume. I put some on this morning, not that I usually wear perfume, I don�t, but I wanted to, and I have some that smells really amazing. It�s in a bottle with no label, I have no idea what it�s called, but it�s oily, not cologne, actual perfume, it was my mom�s, and there is a tiny bit in the bottom of the tiny bottle�anyway, I was saying goodbye to the girls, patting each one separately, as I do, wishing them a wonderful day of sitting in one spot, sleeping, shifting, etc., and each smelled my perfumed finger, the one I used to spread that scent on my body at various points. �Mmmmm�what is that?!�, they both seemed to say. So I made sure to rub each of their heads with the scent, so they�d enjoy each other later if they come into close contact. Tricky. (I read it in a book) Cost of the War in Iraq
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