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Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 / 4:13 p.m. ~For Monica C.~ Not that I ever feel I should have to explain myself, ever, especially not here, but as I wrote what I wrote last night I knew, I just knew someone would take offense. Most likely someone white and very 'politically correct', the kind of person who probably makes certain to say African American instead of black, but calls himself White. Oh god, but I have worked where I work for six fucking years, SIX years of being the only Caucasian in most circumstances, and the reverse racism has been astounding. The fact that I say I am sick of the women here, is my personal opinion, and a result of being the odd one out all the time, every single day. There is common ground, of course, as we are all human beings, but there has been, and there always will be a HUGE gap between us here, religiously, culturally, and racially. You would have to be in my shoes to know what I'm talking about. I am aware of differences between people, and yet I try to take each person as she comes, but there are some circumstances where I'm surrounded by ignorance, mostly based on religious beliefs, racism, prejudice, etc., and for me to point it out, capitalize it, shout it out to the world, is my choice. Recommend me, don't, this is just my diary, I'm not out to win friends, and don't tell me you sure would like to get me some new readers, but now you're not so sure. The flattery is therefore meaningless. You don't know my life, you don't know how it's been for me at my job, it's easy to stand back and judge someone else's life and experience, isn't it? If you only knew, woman, if you only knew what I'd been through here, the trip to the EEOC included. Jesus God. And if you could hear the things they say, daily, the talk, the Jesus, the Lord, the God, and the Bless Yous, and then the backstabbing bitchiness. The hypocrisy is almost comical at times. Really, read, don't read, that's up to you, I will not try to appease you nor anyone else. I am outspoken, opinionated, and I live in the Bible Belt, the Deep South, and this is the life of a single white female, and a racial minority. Take it or leave it. But, I suggest you don't attempt to judge me too harshly. I knew someone would comment, I really did. ***I have to amend this entry, first to say how incredibly pissed I am right now, just thinking about what Monica wrote in my guestbook. Second to say I am the least prejudiced person you will ever meet. But what is prejudice? Prejudging? Making assumptions based on race, religion, astrological sign? Sure, I do that. If I know you're a Scorpio I will think you're secretive, devious even, and that you are passionate and hot. Is that prejudiced? If I say to you I get tired of hearing "GIRL!!!" all day long, and of knowing that I can't have political discussions, or anything to do with evolution or science, or even most aspects of pop 'Caucasian' culture, it means I'm frustrated. But do I take Jane, Veronica, Kukla, Penelope, and every other woman here, for who she is? Of fucking course. And for you to suggest otherwise, in the guise of trying to decide if I'm worthy of your adoration, is beyond insulting. It's preposterous. One would think I'd peppered each entry with 'the N word'. This is so fucking insane. I capitalized the description because it is a type, a type peculiar to this particular office. And I capitalized it because it seemed right, and not to capitalize black would have made the entire description look weird. It was my own poetic license. Jesus fucking Christ, and why don't you tell me how I shouldn't take the fucking lord's name in vein?!, this is so uncalled for. I don't want you to read, go away, don't tell your blogger friends, who needs you?, did I ask for your attention? Maybe you need to work on being more open minded, get to know people before you judge them. Longest paragraph in history. I am so angry, so so very angry right now. Cost of the War in Iraq
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