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2001-12-07 / 12:46 p.m. ~I'm Only Here to Earn a Living~ They're finally seeing what I saw back in March. They're finally seeing her, seeing that she's evil, and I want them to see all of it. I told Lulu about the lynching photos, but I don't know if she felt what I felt, if she understood my horror, how difficult it was for me to get past it, but how I was forced to, if I wanted to stay, here, working here. At the meeting Wednesday we were supposed to be discussing how much is too much, when talking becomes excessive, the fact that we are adults, or most of us are, but L. attacked V., said she doesn't want to talk to her directly, but she can't stand that she has acid reflux and belches at her desk, accused her of things she hasn't done. It was awful and we were all embarrassed. I said we all need to respect one another, follow The Golden Rule, and L. said, "Yes, yes, yes", like she does, and when the Manager (M) started to talk about how we're all Christians I cut her off, said, "Uh, NO, we're not, if we could maybe realize that we have different beliefs, that we are different, please!", but it was glossed over. After that group hug I knew nothing would change. The Manager (M) is good at managing, but she doesn't want to be involved in our "petty" squabbles, and she won't terminate L.'s employment even though she harassed me racially, and is now harassing V. It was brought up that she washed her desk in "anointed oil", "holy oil", and she said it was Skin So Soft. L. said it was NOT holy oil, and who said she did that anyway? It was so uncomfortable, but it ended Wednesday. It was over. Yesterday, while L. was at lunch, the remaining of us were gathered together, except me, so I joined, what's up?, what's going on?, and everyone was looking at L.'s desk, pointed it out to me�she had painted crosses on the edge of her desk, with White-Out. Seven crosses, hastily painted on, sloppy. Here were these church-going, bible-toting, scripture-spouting Christians, appalled at this person's behavior. It must be bad. It must be very, very bad. The other L. says, "I hope she doesn't have little dolls of us too!", and suddenly I am very creeped out, this is freaky, this is unpleasant. And I'm thinking of how she'd stood up earlier, kept saying, "Do you smell that?", then when I asked, "What??", she said, "Fingernail polish or something, you usually smell this kind of stuff, you sure you don't smell it?". It must have been her White-Out, she must have wanted people to come to her cubicle, see what she was doing, see it, catch her, but why? The other L. had to know the reason, and I wanted to not make so much of it, said maybe it's "x"s, not crosses, maybe it's "x marks the spot" or something�but she had to know and I said, so ask her. And she did. Then she didn't get back to us, not to me at least, and I had to know too. Finally, today, I asked Lulu, because there is a chain, there is a gossip chain, there is a clique composed of Lulu, K. and the other L., and they know everything, and they talk about everyone in hushed tones, and I've no doubt they've talked about me at some point too, and she knows, Lulu knows - "L. told the other L. it was because V. is the devil." No, no, how is this allowed? How can the Manager (M), say this is the last time she'll talk to us of our behavior? How can L. be allowed to stay? Let her go, this is harassment, this is not professional. I have a copy of the code of conduct from the Policies and Procedures handbook right here, and when V. gets back from wherever she is right now I want to show it to her. Harassment should not be taken lightly. Yesterday, I grabbed copies of the free weekly for everyone, as I always do on Wednesday or Thursday, whenever I find it, and L. always says, "Yes, yes, yes" when I ask if she wants one. I offered her one and she said, instead, this time, this day, "No Thank You!". She'd come back to her desk and cleaned it on her lunch break, must've felt us talking about it, about her, and she was loud about it, shuffling things around, spraying, after scraping, saying how organized she was now. Then her maniacal humming, and Lulu hears the humming too, called L. "psycho" at one point. Today, L. came in and gave people things, gave the temp a cracked large plastic frame with his writings inside, and he was touched, but I knew it was not good. Brought photos to show, photos of her nephews, and she brought me a magnet from a museum on Monday. What is she doing? Who is she trying to appease? And yesterday when I passed her, after she'd done her cleaning, she had her bible open, was underlining passages, saying to herself, "Yes, yes, yes!". This is a woman, if she had been raised in another country perhaps, would volunteer to be a suicide bomber. This is a woman, a fundamentalist, a person who's lost her way, who has rotted from the inside out and seeks solace in the good book, who is looking for answers to her questions about why she is who she is, searching, making it up as she goes along, twisting the words to suit herself. This is a woman who needs help, and this is a woman who has no place sitting in the cubicle behind me, in front of V. And V. should not have to break down in tears here, at work, like she did yesterday, she should not have to cry because someone is fucked up and paints crosses on her desk, because this is WORK. When the Manager (M) started to cry at the meeting, because she didn't like who she was having to be, how severe she had been when telling us she didn't want to talk to us about our behavior EVER again, L.'s eyes grew large, her smile widest and said, with utmost glee, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GOT EMOTIONAL!!!!", like she couldn't be happier that someone was crying. I feel very affected by this, and I think certain others would prefer to pass over it, but V. was here and now is not, and she is coming back, I'm told. I've left her a message on voice mail and we need to talk. This is not the first time for L., something needs to be done, if the manager (M) does not want to deal with it, let's take it farther, to the HR Manager, the site manager, this should not be tolerated. I just had a monthly review with D., the Supervisor. We used to have them, er, monthly, but it's been a while, and it was suggested in our meeting Wednesday that we resume, so we are. I'm doing great. I handle a lot of calls, my quality is at 100%, things are good, I guess. But I started by telling her about L., about the crosses being because V. is the devil, and she had no idea. She wasn't even the one who asked L. to wash it off, she did that on her own, I found out later. I told her how L. asked if we smelled the smell, how it must have been her own White-Out and why did she try to call attention to what she was doing? I told D. how freaked out I am, and I think I used those words. Her jaw dropped a couple times, he eyes were searching, and I said I know she may not know what to do with it, but harassment is not right, can not be tolerated here, that I'm here to earn a living, that is all. It's later, our computer program is down, our phones are down. I talked to V., said don't let this go, gave her the page from the Policies and Procedures, the code of conduct, told her about the lynching photos. She says L. had told her I had her "written up", and that I had used some racial slur. Hmmm� This is bad, and I don't know where it will go, but I hope L. is let go, before it gets worse, because it won't get better. I read a quote yesterday, "the pessimist thinks it can't get any worse, the optimist knows it can". Cost of the War in Iraq
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