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Thursday, Dec. 30, 2004 / 8:31 p.m. ~Healthy~ It would seem that after months of not having neighbors on most sides, I'm now overrun with them, and none speak English. Isn't "Hi" universal though? Should I start with "Hola"? What is "Hey, how's it hangin'?" in Portuguese? I need to find out. Another new one popped out of a door today while I was coming in at lunch, and I said my standard, "Hi", as he waited at the top of the stairs for me to ascend, and since this made me slightly uncomfortable, it being a rather long ascent, without me running, I think I also said, "Thanks, sorry", and he merely stared at me. Okay, now really, is this how it's going to be? Two others have given me this same reaction, and I'm thinking, what, no, what what? What the fuck, eh? Can... you... hear... me? Are they all deaf? When they say, "Um, yes", will I feel just horrible? Are they simply spellbound upon seeing my lovely visage ascending or descending at any given time? I'm just too beautiful, I know. Men are struck down by my beauty, unable to speak. That must be it. But no, there was a woman too, and she clearly did not speak English. The Brazilians are taking over. It's the referral fees, right? Egad. It's quiet now, it will be okay. I ate my first noodle bowl, and now I've got green onions left in my mouth, their essence, and it's not enough, it's too much. I fear it will be there long, far past the welcome point. Fascinating, I know, but this is what is on my mind. We got off work early today, and for once, the "Just understand, you will not be paid", "I understand" conversation did not disturb me in the least. Thank god for overtime this week. So, I left and went straight to a movie, which is a nice way to end a short work week, which was long as hell. Too long, interminably insufferably intolerably long. "Motorcycle Diaries", Che Guevara, the early years. Beautiful scenery. I would love to visit South America, do that trip up the west coast, Patagonia, Chile, Peru, Machu Pichu, one hundred million percent, but not on a rickety motorcyle. And the whole leper colony thing, I don't know, it was nice, I could see his compassion, but I didn't like having to figure out how he was feeling, I just thought it wasn't enough, I needed more. I was unfulfilled by this film. And then I stopped for gas and when I closed my gas tank door something popped off and I picked it up off the ground, but what the hell was that about? And, durr, I forgot to buy a lottery ticket. And this was my night too, damn. I honestly see the lottery as my only way out, usually, and feel totally confident that I will indeed win, one day, that it is in my destiny to have a great fortune bestowed upon me in my later years. But that is so much crap it's hard to even write it. And here is something else, since I'm just thinking aloud, so to speak, stop with the SPAM already, will ya? You've made your point. Whoever you are, you've given out my email address all over the web and signed me up all over, and I'm on to you, and it was a stupid thing to do and you should just stop now. But you won't. What else? I've got a whole lot of nothing in my brain right now. All that gray matter is sort of just wiggling around like a plate full of Jell-O, seriously. I'd like to add this though, it is never boring being me. I am highly entertaining. I vacillate wildly, with much calm to right me from going off any deep end. I felt totally different yesterday than I do today. I was in a haze, complete, utter, not even gauzy, it was damned hard to see anything, and today I feel the exact opposite, not that everything is clearer than crystal, but that I know this flip flopping all too well, and there are two distinct sides to every issue, every feeling, every event in my life. I'd have to say I've felt a bit different every day, and some days I may carry over a bit, yes, there is detritus, a bit of flotsam spilling over to the next twenty-four hour period, but all in all, a good night's sleep can change everything, and one of my myriad horoscopes that I read regarding today, as I am a bit silly about checking all that out, in a desperate effort to know the future, even though I know it is not, knowable, told me today would bring great change. I feel it, I really do. It's rather amazing the change I feel inside myself, like I know what my priorities are, and like a certain something can be wrapped up tightly and a bow can be put atop it, and it can be stowed away, and the important things can begin to happen. I know where I stand, everywhere, because I know what 'no' means, and I know what 'I hate to say it, but I never felt a thing' means, and I know that love and sex are not interchangeable. I feel healthy. But I did lose weight again, and it's those same five pounds. Dropped 'em, again. Will gain back. Soon. Noodle bowl, good start. Too much green onion, not enough tofu, and miso is just fucking weird. I'm missing movies on TV, aren't I? Ah, well, a bit more goofing around online, I suppose, and resting up for the big "Twilight Zone" marathon - oh do tell me it's going to happen again this year, yes?? It's a New Year's Eve tradition. And this year, please, please, please, no booty calls. Cost of the War in Iraq
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