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2001-08-07 / 1:32 p.m. ~Panic, Damage Control, and Taking Risks~ I'm going to relax about this now. My uncle has the information to access this diary, which, Uncle, you know who you are, if you are reading this, well, it's really personal, and well, I'd ask you not to. Yeah, this is personal, and actually, if someone wanted to know things about me, things I'd tell him/her, personally, and we were getting to know each other, I'd offer less than what's here. This is the nitty gritty, this is my feelings, nasty, regretful, or painful, or just dead and boring, but it's 100% truth, at the time I write it. I change my email identity every time I write email, as in if I'm responding to a diarylander I try to use my [email protected] identity, then switch it back for all my other correspondence. And, like many thousands of people, or millions, I have more than one email account. I have my ISP account and four free, more anonymous accounts. One of those I never use, the other three rarely. My brother is responsible for me being on the internet. Not to say that without him I wouldn't be, but when he got me all hooked up with this computer he built, he lectured me on the dangers of the internet, loss of privacy, etc., hackers. So, I've been very, very careful, and having an extremely personal online diary is not the best idea, for me. So, yes, I use different identities, and I forgot to change that identity when I sent email to my uncle. And, ironically, it was an email note to let him know he'd sent me an email that was totally blank. Now I'm reading about the virus which is sweeping the 'net again and I'm wondering if he did that or if some virus did it, but he has [email protected]. If he's smart, and he may very well be, he could find this, read it, and what would he think? I have no clue. But know what? I'm not going to panic, not anymore. I can't. I've invited people to read my life, and they are reading it, and two of you actually cared enough about what happened, and things I've written to contact me directly. Thanks. That was nice of you. I hope you keep reading and that I don't let you down in my journal writing. Keep in mind, it's just my life! Okay, that said, yes, I panicked! I went to see "Moulin Rouge" last night at the FOX (and it was amazing, wow, I've never seen such a creative movie, I don't think, not even "Brazil" or anything similar - wow, wow, wow - but I hated the jumpy editing - oh, and it was really FUNNY!, and Nicole Kidman was fabulous) and I kept worrying the whole time (I discovered the mistake I made with the email identity right before I left my apt, took time to lock it, and later sent certain people passwords, regular readers - and thanks, Kat for helping me out! ). Seriously, I couldn't stop thinking, How could I have done that?! How stupid! I'm such an idiot! OMIGOD, what if he reads it, what is he going to think? He barely knows me, we've only seen each other a handful of times in my entire life, he lives in another country.....oh, I was freaked out. So, I've unlocked it, this diary, and if he reads it, he reads it. If I have nothing to hide, except my true identity, from total strangers, what have I got to hide from a man I barely know? Yes, he's one of few surviving of my relatives, but we're not close. I care, yes, tremendously so, but I've asked him to ignore the email addy, I've asked him to consider it a mistake, and I've publicly asked him not to read this, that's all I can do. I'm not going to keep this locked. I want to share, just not with anyone I know....... Cost of the War in Iraq
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