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2001-12-28 / 2:30 p.m. ~Simply Abundant~ Right now I'm suffering with horrible indigestion. I'm trying to finish off Chinese leftovers from two days ago. I am nearly incapable of throwing away any food that is not rotten, so I'm making the effort, but it was really awful Chinese food, really bad. This bowl of spicy pork with tofu, which should have been Ma Po Tofu, but I don't think the cook is Chinese at all, hasn't heard of it, is ground meat, could be pork, but I doubt it, and cubed soft tofu, in this sickeningly sweet brown thick nasty sauce. Really. And these onions, like yellow onions, they're not part of the dish, they shouldn't be in there. I am such a food snob, I know, but I'm discriminating, with everything, unless I'm desperate, and this food, well, it sucks. Last night I ate the shrimp fried rice, and who would ever think I'd complain about too much shrimp, but I did, to myself of course. WAY too much shrimp, and most of it was not properly de-veined. Yuck. Oh, I ate it, sure, I ate it, and I've been bloated all day because of it. Now, on top of that bloat I'm eating this tofu pork crap, this cheap imitation of a great dish, Ma Po Tofu, because I don't want to just throw away a pile of food. I'm telling you, some starving Afghan child wouldn't touch this crap! Okay. Enough of that, that's just my current state, er, one of them. The other, "an" other, is that my eyes are watery today, I think it's too dry for them. Also, I woke up really groggy, and my eyes haven't recovered from having to be open. (I'm pausing to look at the bowl of awful tofu in sickeningly sweet thick nasty brown sauce.....and I'm going to go throw it away....give me a sec......) Okay, I felt awful doing that, I mean it was like $7 or something for that dish, but there is no point in making myself suffer because I got takeout from a restaurant that is a mockery of Chinese cuisine. Do I need to get out there and teach these people what Chinese food is? Have they not heard of Martin Yan? Dim Sum? Lightness in sauce making? This brown sauce must've been made with oyster sauce, pork grease, obliterated onions and brown sugar. Blech! Shall I move on? Well, the garlic chicken, which should've come in a white sauce, you know, chicken broth, maybe some cornstarch, ginger, garlic, green onions, had a heavy brown sauce as well, but nothing compared to this one. In fact, the night I got the food I dreamed that I was there again, waiting for my takeout, and in walked a woman holding takeout containers.....I realized she was returning hers! Ah, but it was only a dream. Still, sometimes I'm tempted to take food back, to say, "Here, YOU eat this crap! This is not fit for a dog!", not that I have anything against dogs, you know I love dogs, okay, maybe not fit for a rat! So, a big 1.5 day work week this week. After days of sleeping in, watching insane amounts of TV, avoiding the computer really, not interested at all, I had to go in, and it was weird. Yesterday I went in rather tired, due to difficulty getting back on the weekday work schedule, the sleep schedule, but I did make it through the day. D., the Supervisor, gave us monthly reviews, all of us, and she is terrible at it, just terrible at being a supervisor really, but all she did was point out numbers, statistics, percentages, productivity, not saying I'm good nor bad, then pointed out a 23 minute outside call, an incoming. I was devastated. That wasn't ME! No one calls me at work, I can't believe that. And she wrote "2nd verbal warning", because once before she warned me about a 30 minute call. THAT one I knew about. I said, "Hey, you didn't have to warn me twice, once was plenty, I told my friends, they won't call me now, not at work, I don't know what that was". Well, I took the paper back to my desk, pissed at her nitpicking when I am an exceptional employee, and she is just young and ignorant.....right! Anyway, I look at this call report and it's not my extension!!! It's not my cubicle number!!! It wasn't even fucking ME! So, I showed her and she apologized, wrote an apology on it, the piece of paper with the report, wrote that she was careless, truly sorry or some such shit. And you know how when people apologize you say, "Oh, that's okay, don't worry about it, don't sweat it, it's cool, chill out", etc., whatever, well, I didn't say a thing. Last night's "Survivor" was great! They're getting down to such a tight knit group, only 5 left now....but watching them watch videos from home was all tear-jerky. I had to make an effort not to cry along with them. And the Reward that Lex got....that he shared with Big Tom....wow! Even the hot air balloon ride....the food, the alcohol, the safari.....the wildebeest migration.....wow! I took an Animal Behavior class in college and we studied the wildebeest migration. It's one of those things, you know? You have to study it. It's amazing. So, today, I worked from 9:00 to 12:30, and I almost got online at work, for a second I wanted to use the fast connection, but someone was on the PC. We're down to one we can use now. But yesterday, getting online was the last thing I wanted to do. I checked email at lunch, but that's it. Now, getting online, checking email and site stats, just makes me think of Eris, Kerykes, Twiggle, Quinn, Ginni, Lex, Alison, Sunfall, Inez, all those designers, those diary designers, and how they all ganged up on me. How evil they all seemed. I think about it when I think of getting online, when I think of writing in my diary or reading others. And part of me wants to hurt them, to send them fake emails, or submit their email addys to junk mail organizations, or write hateful notes in their guestbooks, anonymously, or anything. And the one, Ginni, who started the whole thing, doesn't update her diary anymore, and she removed her guestbook...... The others wrote about me in their diaries, the one wanting to put her fist up my ass, another wanting to hurt me if she were only in the same room with me. It was all really violent. I still think about it, all the time. The intense hatred for me, directed at me, a stranger. It's so odd. It wasn't even Ginni's bids, all at $10 a design, it was when they were mysteriously lowered to $2, then raised to $5 that I became angry and suspicious. If there had only been one contact email address on the auction site, I would've emailed that one person, I never would've left those guestbook entries at auctions.signmyguestbook.....it never would've come to this. *Sigh* Yeah, it's still quite the issue. I still have people looking at the guestbook, which is nothing but a black page now, and I think to remove the site meter, not look at the stats, but I need to know when it's over, if it ever is. And Anna asked me about this diary, asked me about the one I had the crush on, asked me how it's going, like she remembered everything I ever told her about myself, my life, and I hardly knew how to answer. Anyway, today I left at 12:30, gave everyone a Happy New Year hug, went to Wal Mart for motor oil and paper towels, and cruised the Christmas sale aisle. Stuff I'd seen before Christmas, all 50% off, so I splurged, got stuff I don't come close to needing, but I wanted. Chocolate Santas with peanut butter filling. A Scooby key chain, a Peanuts lunch box (for Lilly? or me?), a Tabasco gift bowl, a ceramic bowl with crocodiles on it, a bottle of Tabasco, pretzels, I don't know what else, but I love the bowl! Fun. I didn't see any calendars I want, so I have to go back out. But on my way back home, along my street, this short, winding, very hilly street, lined with apartment complexes, there, along one complex entrance, were signs, in yellow with red writing, signs to get your attention, and they got my attention, signs with blurbs on them, things like "Spacious 1,2,3 bedrooms!", or "Washer/Dryer Connections!!", or "Roomy Floorplans!", and there, amidst a sea of yellow and red, in a combination of fonts, one scripty, one plain, was written "Simply Abundant". I thought that was really nice. It just had this great sound to it. Simply Abundant. Quite simply, maybe. Why, quite simply....they're abundant! What is better than abundance? Well, in the case of my shrimp fried rice.....er...simplicity would've been better. Jesus, who the fuck was in that kitchen anyway?!!!!! There was a whole fucking pound of shrimp in that rice, and that tofu dish had no flavor in the pork, just onions, sweet, sweet brown muck. Damn, I hold on to things, don't I? Tenacious fucker. I'm listening to a Carl Perkins CD I bought at Wal Mart. I went a little crazy in the sale bin. Sue me. I thought Carl Perkins was supposed to be good, like he wrote some Elvis songs, he came first, etc., but this CD is crap. Live and learn, eh? I also bought the soundtrack to the original "Planet of the Apes". Why? I HAD to! That music is so discordant, so angsty, so perfect for the film, so avant garde, etc., listening to it without watching the movie will no doubt be hell! But it was like $5. Again, I HAD to! What was it doing there in the first place, sale bin at Wal Mart? And....a Halloween CD for Hermione. I don't know if she deserves it, or if I'll give it to her, but she adores Halloween, she and Scott were married on Halloween. She'd love it. What else??? Oh yeah, a Glen Miller and his orchestra CD. Why not? I didn't have any before. I like big band music. I guess that's all for now. I'll try to write more, try to like this again, try not to dwell on those designer people, even though it's really really really really hard not to think about it every single time I turn on my computer. I'm going to try to get out and see a movie. I wish I could vacuum out my intestines. Seriously. Get rid of all that crap I ate in the past two days. Awful. $28 worth of awful. And see, I'm no anorexic, no binge and purger either, can't do it. What I eat stays there until it naturally comes out. But for now it's a bloated world for me. How I long for a stick of celery and a glass of hot tea.......hopefully I learned my lesson. No Chinese food unless I know the restaurant, 'til then, 'til I find one I like, stick to Thai. It's reliable. Harrumph. Right now, life is simply abundant. Remind me to tell you about my eyelid spasms and my dreamlife - vivid dreams last night, way too many dreams, advocacy for the elderly, retirement home for Norma, etc. Wow. (Oh, we're at a good portion of the Carl Perkins CD, the OLD stuff....yeah!) Cost of the War in Iraq
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