|
2001-09-16 / 11:00 p.m. ~Sunday Night~ Such an exciting, jam-packed weekend I've had. For instance, take today (please), know how I spent today? No, of course you don't. I slept. Until 5:00 in the afternoon. I woke up a lot, I went to pee, I got up to pee and had to change tampons, this is my heavy day. Bleeding is fun. Not. Then I'd get back in bed, the air in the room cool from the fan in the window, the weather changed the last few days, no longer feeling like the last days of Summer, but the first days of Fall. Gladys waiting to get back under the covers with me, pawing at them, at the comforter, sort of a, "Hey, let me under" kind of gesture. So I pull them up, let her in and we spoon. Norma sleeps above. Every so often she wants to get under too, I lift the covers to show her I already have one occupant and she turns away. I know she is too claustrophobic anyway. She forgets. I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed. I woke up and lay thinking, my mind was active. I went over certain dreams in my head. I switched sides, I lay on my back, I went back to sleep, again and again, I knew what time it was, I tried to imagine being conscious and vertical, but it wasn't something I desired in the least. The only dream I remember is the last one. I was in a zoo atmosphere and the animals were running around loose. One wild cat, some kind I couldn't recognize, was coming at me and I was trying to remain calm yet fight it off, or fend it off. I had something in front of me, a briefcase or something, and I was using it to push this cat away. Then there was a deer, and it was nosing at me and someone else, interfering in our interaction. It was annoying. 5:00. Sunlight still, and a beautiful day. Opened the sliding glass door and stepped out on the porch, saw the sky was blue, the pine needles green, the leaves of the birch tree moving in the breeze, sounding dry, making that blowing Aspen leaf sound, and the air seemed clean, nothing like the hot white haze of just a week or two ago. I missed the day. I tried to imagine being out in it, being in a forest or near a stream, but I came in and worked on my resume instead. I used my computer without being on the 'net, which was weird and different, but useful just the same. I re-wrote my resume, used a different template, just for the hell of it. Made a little list of three references, numbers that can be called, companies that will have a record of me working for them. I'll print out both versions, the new and the old, tomorrow from work, and use one for my interview Tuesday. Tomorrow night I'll go to a hockey game, the first since March, or was it April? And at the Arena they'll check my bag, like they always have, but there will be people there who will associate it with increased national security. I'll know better. Since the Arena opened, was it two years ago only?, they have checked bags entering. All bags. At first it semed an intrusion, but it became something I expected, and I always held my bag open, sometimes hiding contraband beverages or food in my coat, which they never checked. Maybe I'll get a bratwurst tomorrow, with mustard, maybe a Cosmopolitan at the Absolut Bar, or maybe a Bass downstairs. Maybe I'll watch warmups, maybe I'll just go sit high, in my cheap seat. Maybe I'll want to make eye contact with everyone there, because now everything feels different. I hear people saying nothing will ever be the same, kids, parents, people my age, or younger, some older, all on the TV, as I haven't talked with anyone since I left work Friday. They all say life will never be the same, and I agree. Hockey and a job interview are in my mind now, things I know are certain, things I know will be happening in the next two days, and beyond that I can't say. We'll finish packing our cubes at work, they'll be moved next Friday night and Monday we'll have new carpeting. Assuming I'm still working there that will be different, different and nice. But I think I wish I could just stay under the covers forever, just spooning with Gladys, Norma poking her head under every so often, just tossing and turning, just dreaming, just getting up when I can't hold it in any longer, when I have to pee or change a tampon, just sleeping forever, forgetting that there is a world out there. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |