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Thursday, Sept. 05, 2002 / 6:45 p.m. ~The End of the Lulu Story~ And so it ends, the Lulu story. For me anyway. It feels so odd, so odd I don't know what to feel exactly. I should be thrilled, but I feel more like a relationship didn't work out, even though we tried. I tried, did she? She started to say something in this morning's meeting, but what was she going to say? She did it, I know she did it, she found D.'s cover letter, her resume, and she spread the rumour that D. was leaving. I know it, without proof I know it. What was her retort going to be? She was silenced. The Manager (M) only wanted it to stop, she didn't seem willing to take any further action. That was it. If you read my previous entry you know I was pissed (if you want this to make sense you need to read that entry, not that I'm into self promotion, but you know, right?), you know I came in here this morning fed up with everyone here, and then it got worse. You know I was harsh, and I still offer no apology for words used there, but now she's gone and I feel� just really weird about it. In my mind I'm seeing her dance, hearing her laugh, I'm remembering when I really liked her, when I thought she was funny and good. Maybe it's like having a mole removed. You want it gone, but then it is and you find yourself looking at the stretch of skin where it had been, fingering the area, remembering. No, bad example. I know. (and for the record, I've never had a mole removed) Lulu took Kukla's shift today, 8:00 to 5:00, to give Quincey a ride to pick up her car, I think, and I was so happy I'd be able to read from 5:00 to 6:00, that it would be quiet. And there I stood, talking to D. about an actual work issue at her cubicle when Lulu and Laverne left for the day. I didn't even say goodbye or wave a hand at her, I was too busy. The Manager (M) came by after that, 5:15ish, with something to say. And I'd seen Veronica come over to hug Lulu late in the day. And I wondered what it was about, why is she hugging her? It's not a Good Morning hug, it looks like a Good Luck hug. Then something from the Bible, Lulu was quoting God or Jesus or someone and I was disgusted and put on my headphones, I didn't want to hear it. Then Penelope was at Lulu's cube, and selfish me, uncaring me, hating Lulu me, didn't want to know, assumed it was more gossip, it was a drama, it was more than involved me. And I paid it no attention, I read, I listened to NPR. Something was up then. (I wrote the above from work, the below from home) The Manager (M) said Lulu 'resigned, effective immediately', and we'll get a replacement, ASAP, we'll get Kathy, the one who temps with us during our peak season, or someone else, but Kathy gets first refusal, and we'll be okay, she'll help us herself if we need help, and Lulu wrote in her 'letter' that she wanted to do some entrepreneurial something or other, and that's what it was, and she assumes she's not coming in tomorrow, though she left her radio� Because I asked. She left her radio. Not really a question, but a statement. End of the day, just now before I left to come home, I said, "It feels strange to lose one of our brethren, or sisteren", and I always do that, make up words that ought to exist, I'm playing around because I don't know what else to do, in this case, but I'm totally serious and no one says a word. D. is ahead of me on the way to the time clock, slows for me to catch her, asks, "Did you know?", and I tell her about Veronica hugging Lulu, Penelope too, they knew, I say. I did not. Not at all. Yes, Lulu wants to be a wedding planner, she wants her own business, she has actually acquired some clients, but her first wedding was just this past Saturday, and she was an assistant, she wasn't really planning, just watching, helping. Did she feel guilty about the rumour? Did she just want to get her business going? No, can't be, one gives notice in that instance, not just a letter in someone's 'in box' at the end of the day. I'm glad, but it feels weird, and there is no other way to say it. It feels especially weird that no one is going to talk about it, not openly. She just won't be there, Lulu, anymore. Just like that, like she died. I came home, just now, and there were two boys racing their bikes in the parking lot. No worries as I am so careful when I turn the corner, I expect children to be there, but they and their bike-less friend were in the parking spaces, occupying them, the choicest spaces, and I pulled in anyway, they moved slowly out of my way, one riding directly in front of me, stupidly. And they said, "Sorry". They all said it. It was cute, and it was a first for this place. Friendly, apologetic children. Wow. This morning, first thing, there was a cat in the grass outside. There are never animals around here, unless it's a dog at the end of a leash attached to a human hand. And that's rare. Not animal lovers, my neighbors. But here was a cat, on his own, and he was talking to me. Not 'meowing', talking, not English, but still. And then he sat himself down in the grass and kept on. I got in my car, looking at him, and he stood up, walked to the bushes, raised his tail high and sprayed a good spray, his large testicles totally intact and most visible. I think he was trying to tell me something. "Hey, how YOU doin'? This is my turf. So watch out." Okay, I get it. What a day. What a day. And tomorrow, and the next day. I can't believe, after all this, after just over a year of her, she simply won't be. Lulu, Instant Karma's gonna get you, you'll get what you should, I don't wish you the best, but no one deserves the worst. Ciao. Cost of the War in Iraq
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