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Wednesday, Feb. 23, 2005 / 10:31 p.m. ~Quit Yer Bitchin' and Moanin'~ When people touch me I jump. She gave me Hershey's kisses, wrapped in red and silver, and stroked my finger, told me she didn't want me to think she doesn't appreciate me. It was the day I told her I can't believe how amazing she is, it was that day that she changed and began to look at me differently. I think she notices me now, sees me, respects me. I wish she were my supervisor, but she is not. I overheard the one who is. I overheard her saying she has to force herself to eat now, she cannot function because of anxiety. And her tension rubs off on me, I feel it, it oozes from her as she passes me, and I find myself saying inside, 'I hate her, I hate her so much', but I hate no one. She elicits intense response from me. I told the chocolate bearer how glad I am to have this opportunity, how glad I am to collect a paycheck every Friday, and have hundreds of dollars to put in my bank account. And tonight I sat to pay a few bills, and I realized I can pay off my credit card again. I pay it off every month, no matter, and I never thought I could afford it this time, with the brakes, but I can. I feel certain I can. All calculations point to yes. And tomorrow I get more car work done, and then hopefully a bit more, and there will be little need for a new car, knock on something wooden. I still need two new tires for the rear, but if I can get the smoke cleared all should be well. On the up and up, I suppose. Severe weather, much rain, storms, and I know we could still get snow, a snowstorm. It has happened before, and so it is I know what March can bring. Meanwhile, everything just happens, and we roll with it. I bought fancy paper for the resume, and someone kept asking, each time I used the word 'fancy', "Is it scented?" - this struck me as odd, as well as funny, but more odd the more he said it. It looks damned good. Now if only I hand it to the right person. Thing is, this is the thing, I've never not found a job when I've looked. Never. I've only not found a job when I've elected not to work. Not to look because I've elected not to work. I've never handed my resume to someone, met the someone in person, and been turned down. I don't think... Wait, maybe one time. I seem to remember wearing my 'going to get a job' outfit, and meeting the person, and not getting the job, but maybe it wasn't something I wanted. Maybe that was it. Usually, or so memory serves to tell me, I'd be offered something unappealing, and the salary was never right, and I'd be in the odd position of saying, 'Thanks, no thanks, but thanks'. I'm not worried, I'm not forcing myself to eat, and I'm sick of a certain coworker saying that everything is a waste of time, and another coworker complaining that we have work piled on when they're letting us all go anyway. We have work. We're WORKING! Yay, celebrate, people, celebrate! Take that paycheck and pay some bills and balance your checkbook and feel how good it feels to be solvent. Ahhhhhhh... feels so good. And the resume (wish I could put that accent mark on the last 'e', but too much trouble to figure the keystroke, just know it's 'rez-oo-may') looks so fab. Oh, I looked at yet another coworker's resume today, and good god, it was bad, it was really bad, I mean horrible awful bad, and I tried so hard to be tactful. I think I succeeded, but oh Jesus god, it was horrible. And she is smart, she is a smart cookie. She just can't write. Makes me seem ultra uber super duper talented. Yes, I was social today. Ever since they squinched us all up in our cubes together, took us out of our spread out wasteland, we do interact more. But, as I note, I am subjected to all the conversations I'd rather not hear. And I find myself 'hating' this person or that because she or he gets on my nerves to the point it is an exercise in abject tactfulness, all fooking day long, not to say SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY, WILL YA? Ya fucking whiny baby. Um, right, I have to get up early to wash my hair and drop off the car and walk across the street to work in the rain (the mechanic is across from work, la dee da). One more notation, that bizarre neck crunchy thing went away a couple weeks ago, like magic, I woke and it was gone. I stopped the echinacea, to make sure it wasn't the cause, and was suddenly reminded how my body is self healing, but now, lately, I feel I'm 'coming down with something', yet again, just a logy, flusy, achey sort of thing going on. Let's hope it becomes nothing concrete, let's hope it goes away, and let's hope things just sort of 'work out', eh? Lightning, I'd best log off. Cost of the War in Iraq
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