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Tuesday, Jun. 18, 2002 / 7:18 p.m. ~Don't Even Compare Me to Her~ I think it was last Wednesday, the day after the movie in the Park, that Laverne and I compared notes (as she'd also gone the previous night), and Kukla, Lulu, Laverne and I all made plans to see "A Beautiful Mind" at the FOX, last night, and "Blackboard Jungle" out at the Park, tonight. Two girls' nights at the movies in a row. Kukla had said, "I'll drive Monday..." (to me), "...and you drive us on Tuesday. We'll meet at your place because it's on the way." And I had said, "It's way too early to be planning all of this." Because it was. So yesterday Lulu was tired. She'd gone to the Water Park with her kids on the weekend, she'd gotten the micro braids on Friday, and Laverne was up for anything, if Kukla was going. Kukla sat and read all day, and Laverne asked if I was going, and I said, "Really, I have no desire to see 'A Beautiful Mind', ever", so that was that. To find out today, Kukla took her 22 year old niece to the FOX last night. Today we were all unclear. Lulu wouldn't commit (although we'd technically already committed, to both nights), Kukla wanted to take her niece (in town for an extended stay, from somewhere out of town, I guess) to a strip club, Laverne was interested, but I didn't want to go with just Laverne. After lunch, after driving home and back, windows down, hot breeze blowing through the car, I was in the mood to sit in the Park, I tried to confirm. Lulu still hedged, Laverne was enthusiastic, and I assumed it was just the two of us. So I walked over to her cube, and even though I've been so mad at her I've not talked to her for months at a time, and still I'm not crazy about her, but she loves movies, and so do I, I did what I so often do, I put the past behind me, I transcended myself and any petty differences I've felt, I made an overture..... "Laverne, why don't you come to my place at 8:00, and I'll drive? We should get there at 8:30 probably." And what do you think she said? "I'm going with Anthony". Anthony=her husband. Girls' night at the Park. Who needs romance? Who needs picnics and coolers? We'll all go together, next Tuesday, "Blackboard Jungle", Glenn Ford, Sidney Poitier, sounds good, okay then! "I'm going with Anthony". Oh, funny how plans change, isn't it? And that's what I said, and I fumed. Smoke came out of my cranial orifices, I think. I sat in my cube, muttered more about making plans too far in advance, and reminded myself, Never, Never, Never again, Never again, Never again. But I know I will. Because I'm not changing. I'm simply the same as I've always been. I cannot hold a grudge, I cannot hate for long, I let bygones be bygones, and I wish I wouldn't. She didn't care about me, she left me hanging. Kukla asked if I'd go anyway, and with whom, and I said, "No, I'm not going." I really never wanted to go there by myself, although I know I could. So, I'm here, home. And it always feels so good to be here at the end of the day. To walk in the front door and be greeted by my furry friends, so anxious to see me. And after they eat their supper they vie for my attention, wanting my lap, wanting to play, wanting to be with me, following me from room to room, and I realize that's all I want. Every day, every interaction, makes me realize how much I despise humans, in general. I've been spending a lot of time at the Moby message boards. It seems that many of my favorite diarists here on Diaryland are not updating too often, so I found a diversion. There is a woman, we'll assume she's a woman, who has an entire thread to herself on Moby's boards, well, not his, but the boards there, on his web site. She calls herself Starlight and she writes to him. To Moby. How much he means to her, how she is thinking of him, personal stuff, as if she knows him.... or maybe just wants to. It's really, really creepy. I mean, please, my little fixation is harmless. Sure, I've posted to the boards, but really silly stuff, mostly sarcastic, and I write here about wanting to shag Moby or have his love child, but hey, come on, I'm KIDDING, okay? This Starlight chick, um, she's not kidding. Even when I'm serious I'm not serious, but she? Have you read Stephen King's Misery? (we interrupt this diary entry to note that Gladys just brought me her "giant mouse" - we must play for a bit!!!) Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I am SO tempted to ask Starlight if she is Moby's "Number One Fan"! Evil, I know. Oh, you haven't read it? Seen the film version? It's decent, but the book, oh, read the damn book already! It's good!!! Freaky, this chick is really freaky. I'm not kidding. Go, check it out if you don't believe me. Oops, I almost just posted the name of her thread. That's not right. Not at all. She is consumed, and at least she's harmless, just writing him letters, online, on the boards....er....so far. That's it. That's all I've got. There's not much to me lately. I've retreated. Mark has called, twice, but I have yet to call back. I sent him email instead. Don't feel like talking. We have plans to see "Amelie" at the FOX on Sunday anyway, so we'll talk then, I guess. I shouldn't have been so mean about Starlight. But I do think she is missing some crucial screws. They're not just loose, they're absent. Me? Don't compare me to her. I fantasize about Moby, but I'd probably never actually do anything, not even write him love letters on his message boards. Seriously. No. I would not. Stop it! Cost of the War in Iraq
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