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2001-11-23 / 12:49 p.m. ~Dreams, Hockey With the Stranger, Cleaning, Creating, and Why Does Felicity Love Ben?~ I dreamed I drove to New Orleans. First, I was considering it, thinking about it, trying to plan it, wondering how long it would take, should I rent a car, yes, I'd have to, and would the cats be okay home alone, and then I was there, driving through town, but the main drag was so short, this couldn't be right, and it was hot, like HOT, and muggy, humid, but I had on a flannel shirt. I was thinking I could stop somewhere and buy some tourist-y New Orleans t-shirt, because I really wasn't dressed appropriately, but I was hungry and had to pee, and where should I stop, where are all the good places to eat? So, I was looking through my guidebook, and in reality I have a New Orleans guidebook because I was considering going there to meet some people from an internet movie message board....but I didn't go. So, in the dream I'm looking at this guidebook, and it is not set up correctly, it doesn't have what I need, and I look at the cover and it's a guidebook to "fishing" in New Orleans, so I am rightly frustrated, thinking I didn't plan this very well, not at all. I want to call K., at work, and say, "Hey, I'm in New Orleans! Yeah, right, so where should I go get something to eat?", but I don't. And then I wake up and it's dark, but it's 12:30, and this seems to be the time my body likes to get up, at least it happened yesterday too, same time. It's dark because it's raining, and it hasn't rained in so long I feel like a little kid and I want to run to the window to see the snow, which I do, like a kid, every time it snows, but this is RAIN, not snow, but I get up slowly, Gladys exiting the warmth of her undercover lair, me and us stretching, going to pee, then, and only then, throwing open the curtains to reveal the wet wonderland, the rainy parking lot, the parking lot light on in its lamppost. I am thinking of all the shoppers, all those people out getting this traditional start on consumer spending in light of the upcoming Christian Holiday, this glorious "season" of capitalist greed....and I'm sorry it's raining for their day. But a little gleeful at the same time. And I wander into the kitchen to make my coffee and it is so glorious because yesterday, yesterday I washed dishes. And this deserves a "**", because it had been a long time. I've been living quite the slovenly home life, and it's something I fell into, nothing I planned, but it was consuming, and I'd found new and very creative ways of stacking pots, pans, dishes, glasses and mugs on the countertop and in the sink. But the stacks were getting higher and higher, and although I'd seemingly never run out of clean utensils, nor plates, nor bowls, nor mugs, especially not mugs because I collect them....along with so many things......it was nonetheless getting sort of disgusting, and I was embarrassed though I was the only one seeing it. So, yesterday, while my neighbor basted her turkey downstairs, and I smelled every drop of broth generated, I washed, and washed, and washed, wastefully letting the water run the entire time, worrying only that I wouldn't have enough hot water for my shower, not that one day the people of Planet Earth will have no potable water. I washed and washed some more, never once using the dishwasher to wash, only as a large drying rack for all my wooden handled utensils, and glasses with desgns on them, things I've deemed too fragile to ever be in a dishwasher, and no one can get them clean enough, certainly not a machine, no one but me. This is the perfectionist procrastinator talking. The one who puts everything off forever because she won't do anything unless she can do it absolutely perfectly. This includes nearly everything, everything but that which she does half-assedly. To enter that realm, now clean, almost 100%, but no, not quite yet, not enough room in the dishwasher/drying rack for all of it, still a pot and a glass or two on another counter (and I love the counter space in my little "galley" kitchen), and make my coffee, have elbow room, room enough to grind my beans and knock nothing over whilst doing so, room enough to make my coffee and smile while I do it.....joy. I did have enough hot water for my shower yesterday, and I did go and meet the stranger, who made it a point almost immediately to allude to his homosexuality, speaking of his partner, and his partner's plans to be with "his" family for dinner, and to forsake the game, and the stranger talked almost incessantly, confessing to imbibing several beers already throughout this day, in addition to the beer I bought him for giving me the ticket. Once in our seats there sat a man to my left, a man the stranger knows because he sits in the same seat every game, and the two of them, the stranger to my right, the other stranger to my left, talked throughout the game, all hockey stuff, all good manly stuff, the one to my left obviously not knowing the one to my right is gay.......not that there's anything wrong with that. Thrashers lost, no surprise there, and still, it feels weird to go again, this season there being a whole new roster it seems, and few names I recognize, but somehow we still suck so badly. I ate a Bratwurst with spicy mustard, brought it back to my seat after the first period, while the stranger went to smoke, outside the arena. And the other stranger, the one to my left, asked, "Didn't you get enough turkey?", and I said, "I didn't have turkey", and he said, "...stuffing?", and I said, "I didn't eat a Thanksgiving dinner", and he said, "Is this where we're all supposed to cry for you out of pity?", and he thought he was being funny, and he even sort of apologized for trying to make a joke and not succeeding when I said, "Not everyone had a Thanksgiving dinner today". I also started planning a new diary layout yesterday. I have some ideas, and mainly they came about after reading of Heavenlyginger's Naked Diary Review, and then going to the site where one submits a diary for review, and reading the rules, and realizing my diary would never qualify because I didn't design it. Oh, I embellished it all right, but the background, the buttons, I didn't do all that, and I don't know how. So I started reading how, in my creating web pages simplified, or something, book, which is totally inadequate in the long run, and a tutorial online, which is totally inadequate in the long run, and I became a little obsessed, and played around with creating a table for the first time, composing in notepad, saving as an HTML, then opening it in my browser window to see how I was doing. If the stranger had asked me anything about me, anything at all, we might have gotten into it, web design, and maybe he would've known something, but he was far too busy talking about himself, all about himself, yelling "Come On!" over and over again to the team playing down below....and I said once, "I think you need to be more specific." Oh, after the game I came home and squeezed a grapefruit for its juice, took my vitamins, and watched, on tape, "Felicity" from Wednesday night (and why oh why is Felicity so in love with Ben when Noel is clearly the man for her???????), and "Survivor" and "CSI" from Thursday night. Is it me, or do the folks on "CSI" sometimes seem mere caricatures of themselves?? Sometimes the show just seems to mock itself....... Now, a new day, a rainy day, a gloriously dark and rainy day, and I wonder if yesterday's desire to clean, to make everything beautiful, to create, to create a new design, one that is all me, all mine, will again take over. Or, will I be a slug? Will I go see "Amelie" again????? Or see "Monsters Inc"? Or any other movie? Hmmmm........ No doubt, whatever I do, I'll write about it in my diary at some point. One last thing, I forgot to write about the dream I had a few days ago, and it really stuck with me: I dreamed we were being bombed, just like the U.S. is bombing Afghanistan! And our "enemy" bombed Chicago. I was somewhere, I don't know where, but inside a building, like a department store, or an office, a multi-storied building, and looked out to see the smoke, the black smoke, the fireballs rising to the sky, and people were running all over, and into the building, taking cover, and I ran out instead, I wanted to see, had to see, and when I looked out, I saw an aerial view instead.....and to my horror, Chicago had been destroyed! I was aghast, really, and so, so, so angry!! Goddammit! They bombed Chicago, they destroyed Chicago, it's gone! (See, my family all came from there...we lived in a Chicago suburb when I was a child). I woke up, only to think, "I dreamed the 'enemy' bombed Chicago", and that was weird. Cost of the War in Iraq
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