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Wednesday, Apr. 21, 2004 / 8:35 p.m. ~Efficiency Takes Its Toll~ It just hit me. I am exhausted. I mean I felt fine, I had good energy, I was eating all kinds of salty foods, in keeping with my PMS salt cravings, but then I lost interest in eating, and then I was reading journals and catching up on diaries, and then I walked away to put my laundry in the dryer, and then I had to cut my nails so I can type, and this feels great now, no question, but then I came back and sat down and it hit me. I am exhausted. Today was just non-stop. Once the work came in, it was just do it, just do what has to be done, in the order in which it has to be done, and make the copies, and key the keyables, and have the docs to audit by the time they're supposed to be there, and just sort of do this and do that, and I skipped my breaks, both of them, hardly left the cube, the chair, and had the Walkman on, took it off, the headphones anyway, then listened to the people around me, then the hush of them, and went to lunch an hour late, because I can, and my Supervisor asked how it was going, which is really nice when she does that, and I told her how much work I got in today, and she said, "And you didn't panic, I am so proud of you", and I felt so proud too, and proud of her for being proud. And it was a big pridefest. And we're not even gay. But I just kept going and going and going, and then I came home, and I had energy, and I had a plan to go out to a bookstore thing, an event thingie, and it was far away, as all good things are, even the thingies, so I threw yet another load of laundry in the washer and sat to read people's lives, and I ate and ate and ate some more, and the garlic-stuffed olives are gone again, must buy them in bulk (I wonder how much it is for a case?), and suddenly I'd love a glass of wine, but the night before I overslept last week I drank a big glass of wine, so now I'm scared to drink wine during the week, and I've been getting up so damned early, no re-setting the alarm, no 'snoozing', just getting up at 6:30, ME, SIX THIRTY! And, I'm exhausted. It hit me. Suddenly. I may just watch "The Bachelor", fold my clothes once they're dry, and call it a day. I love my bed, I just want to get it in it and be prone. Horizontal. With eyes closed. Tomorrow should be easier, and maybe I can do more of the computerized classes, as those are educational and stuff, I am even learning things, like how to hyphenate my compound adjectives. Yay and such. I'm still thinking ahead, which feels so good, and analyzing the past, as always, but thinking about what I want, things, material and otherwise, and where I want to go, and how to get there. And I figured my vacation time today too, and asked for half a day next month so I can go to my dentist appointment and get my teeth cleaned, because remember I'm doing that again. Oh, oh, oh, the last time? When I got the new filling to replace the old filling? That was the day before I met the asshole. Oy. I need to write some letters, I'm falling behind, but not now, I am at a loss for coordination, my vision is blurry from the strain today, I am 'not myself' (who am I?), I am PMS-y, and I think I may counteract all the salt and olive-y brine with a Little Debbie brownie. I know, I'm wacky like that. Cost of the War in Iraq
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