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2001-05-22 / 7:05 p.m. ~Full Disclosure~
I finally told someone else in my department what Linda did to me, the lynching photos, the accusation of racism, finally, I told someone. Karen had made a statement about Mexicans always traveling in "packs", and Lisa was the one who openly took offense. I tried to keep my mouth shut, but we ribbed her, we gave her a hard time about it and I think she was getting really more than just defensive, kind of mad maybe. Finally, I told her that it upsets me that she can get away with those sorts of remarks, that I never can. Anything I say is so closely examined.....I told her about the "pot calling the kettle black" thing, Linda, the lynching photos, the note, briefly, I kept it brief. She was shocked, truly appalled, she had no idea. She kept cleaning her desk and I stayed there, I said, yes, it's true, you didn't know, did you? You had no idea, right? No one knew, right? Is that how it's been? I wasn't sure if anyone knew, it was such a big deal. She wanted to know what happened, what did they do to Linda? I could only say I wasn't allowed to know. They said they'd handle it, I had to trust that they would take it seriously and they would handle it. She had no idea, none at all....... Part of me wanted her to turn and tell everyone, one by one, quietly, in hushed tones, to hear the gasps, the "No! I don't believe it! Linda?!"(s), the disbelief in all their voices, gain the empathy, the sympathy that I've deserved these past few months. I don't think she'll tell anyone. She knows it was serious, but she said she'd want to know Linda's punishment, she would have asked, insisted on knowing. I couldn't do it. Feels good to let it out, little by little, air escaping from a balloon, tension released, stress gone, little by little. It rained at lunch and I didn't want to damage my suede Birkenstocks so I stayed in. Ate a vending machine lunch, a ham and cheese, Fritos, got online to chat with the married man. Now, the rain is gone, the sky is blue, puffy "Simpsons" clouds in the sky, a strong wind, like early Spring, temperatures have dropped and it feels as if the earth itself has been cleansed, the smog lifted, for now, lifted away, or washed to the ground in the downpour. Clean, clear, air. Blue. Cost of the War in Iraq
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