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2001-06-21 / 6:52 p.m. ~Summer Solstice/Code Orange Day~
First day of summer, longest day of the year, the beginning of HELL. Today was a Code Orange day, and that means there is a lot of smog, lots of "ozone", not to be confused with any holes in any ozone layer, no, too much nastiness in the air and it hangs, like an oppressive blanket, a blanket of toxic substance, not to be breathed by those with any respiratory problems, or anyone who wants to live a healthy life. Cars, SUVs (why?, why?!), everywhere, at least one per person, lined up in rows, long lines of cars, SUVs (yeah, what is the deal with those?), idling, waiting for lights to change colors, waiting for the volume to decrease, waiting, lined up and waiting, driving so slowly, or stopped altogether, just to get where? Home! Just get the fuck home! That's all. Move, can't we just MOVE?! No air conditioning, just need cat food and litter, but I have to go to the huge box store, the Pet Smart, and it just happens to be on the big Parkway, the street where all the traffic is, and I just have to go on my way home, though it's marginally out of my way, because it's too fucking HOT, though it's low 90s, there's no a/c in the vehicle, it's the Easy Bake Car, it's the rolling oven, and the humidity, the white smog, the brown and white smog, the blanket, makes it feel like 100, at least, but in the Easy Bake Rolling Oven, well, it's more like what? 120? And I'm sitting at one light after another, and cars are pulling out from all directions, no regard, hey, it's a Solar Eclipse, the Sun is zero degrees to Cancer, and NO, I don't know what that means either, but it's supposed to be potent and I've been feeling it all day........... Just to get some cat food, special formula, extra expensive cat food, and a giant 20 pound box of special scooping cat litter, because I love Norma and Gladys more than I love myself. This I do for them, for me. Why do I bleed? Why do my ovaries produce eggs, still? What is the point? Why haven't we evolved to be like cats, shock-induced ovulators? But, wait, they, the un-sterilized ones, menstruate too......why me? See what hormones do? They fuck me up, they make me suddenly, sitting at my little cubicle, hating every idiot who has the misfortune to be at the other end of every phone call I receive, hate my life. I hate the heat, the humidity, the code Oranges and Reds, the SMOG, the cars, the fucking SUVs, the idiots who cannot drive said SUVs, the 10 at least near-death-collisions I had just trying to get my fucking cats some food. Okay, they're not fucking cats. I. worked her last day today. I. with the unusual name, so unusual I cannot possibly spell it out here, lest someone recognize it, her, and say, "Hey!". She was a temp, after all, and temp does mean temporary, and I knew that, but it sucks that she is going, that she has a life, that she has a life plan, and she will follow through and she will be something, important, worthy, heroic, and I will stay, in my little cubicle and curse my existence. I will miss her, really, terribly. Hormones, menstruating, another egg unfertilized, shedding of the protective uterine layer, lovely, heavy bleeding to look forward to, ah yes.....the glorious changing of the tampons, the worrying if I'm bleeding all over the place. And, unlike our dear Andrew, founder of diaryland.com, wrote in one of his entries...I do not say any of this for some future reader to be shocked, or want to scroll down or hit the "back" button. This is MY diary, this is my life, and I'm unhappy, I hate this aspect of my life, I see no point to my menstruation, I am beyond it, it has no meaning in my life, no purpose other than to cause me pain and frustration. A hysterectomy might be in order, if I were of the visiting-doctors-variety of human being, but I am not. I abhor the medical professional, in general....well, except maybe ER docs. They are truly amazing. Rant over. Summer is here....let the suffering begin! Cost of the War in Iraq
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