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2001-06-22 / 6:47 p.m. ~Depression my ass!~
I didn't know what I was going to write about in my diary today, thinking about it driving home from work. I was tired all week, like REALLY tired, waking up too early every morning, like 5:00 or 4:00, not being able to go back to sleep, lots of dreams, not enough REM time. Tired, bored, I. leaves, it's lonely now, boring, tired, nothing, Friday, another one, yay! But wait..... I have a Yahoo start page. Or Yahoo! with appropriate exclamation mark, because it is YAHOO! after all. But, I digress. I have a Yahoo! start page, with top stories from Reuters and AP, stories from L.A. and NYC, just because, health news, movie showtimes, a little TV schedule, stuff that I want to know in a glance when I log on, up to date, up to the minute - I like it, and sometimes it's the only news I get all day. So, I log on, to check email, write in my little diary, as I am wont to do, and there are the Yahoo! top stories, the lead photo of the woman who drowned her 5 kids. 5! All 5!!!!! The latest is "chilling details", and you know I had to read it, who doesn't? It's the train wreck, the bodies all over, the plane crash, body parts hanging from the trees, it's JFK underwater, it's every news horror story, you have to know, some bizarre facet of human nature that makes us look, makes us read, makes us, me, want to know. So, the latest is this: she chased the oldest one, the 7 year old, to grab him, to force him, the last one to die, to the deathtub, the bathtub. The children, all named after biblical "characters", Mary, Luke, Paul, John, and Noah. She started with the youngest, drowned them in order of their births, starting with the most recent, the 6 month old. Noah, the oldest, was "frightened", asked, "What's wrong with Mary?", and RAN from his mom! Can you imagine?! I can! I can, and Jesus God I don't want to. I have heard of post partum depression, and bizarre and rare instances of women killing their children, and the Susan Smiths of this world who go to great lengths, even when not depressed. But in this case? Right, I'm no doctor, what do I know, but still.....I don't care how depressed you are, you don't drown all 5 of your children while your husband's at work, or wherever. Maybe he should have a choice. Maybe he'd prefer you slit their throats. It's not fair to leave him out of it, now is it? Were they his? Was it the Haldol? She was a registered nurse.....wouldn't that count for something? For understanding medications? For knowing something about treating her depression, post partum or otherwise? Was there a reason she didn't use birth control? Ack! Too many questions, only grisly, horrid details in the place of answers. No, I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about the guy who comandeered (crazy, huh?) a contsruction crane in Midtown yesterday, only to kill himself this morning. Or the dog that survived being doused with gasoline and set afire by a 17 year old boy (fucking freak!). Her name is "Honey" and she got skin grafts and lots of surgeries, and she has a home waiting for her now, volunteers who wanted to adopt her. Or, what about the kid who was mauled by two pit bulls? They tore off his ears. Or the kid with the mom who were both attacked by a pit bull and a German Shepherd. What is wrong with people? And their animals? And their attacks on animals, and training their animals to attack? And mothers who kill all fucking 5 of their babies!!!?????? Jesus Christ. Where is Jesus Christ when you need him? I don't know that one either. I'm not a Christian, but I understand he was a really cool compassionate guy. And people who name all their children after his friends, or disciples or apostles, or whatever they were, even that Noah guy, who, by the way, went to great lengths to SAVE animals.......what is up with them turning around and murdering said children named after those people in that Great Book? I don't understand any of it, and I wish I didn't have to see it, hear of it, think about it, wish I could shield myself, as parents probably wish they could shield their kids from hearing about it too. Imagine......it was bad enough when it was the Susan Smith freak, lying on TV every night, but this woman, all sullen and bizarre, wow. Would you like to be a little kid, hearing about it, wondering if your mommy might force you into the bathtub and drown you too? Depression my ass! I've been depressed, bad depressed, and I've never killed anything larger than a cockroach. Oh, on a happier note: Computer Guy gave me two RAM thingies to put in my computer. He says they just pop right in. Joy! I guess that's an extra 16 MB, but I'm not sure. I can't wait to try it though......I wonder if there is a chance I'll totally fuck it up and crash my hard drive. Hmmmm....... Time to consider food. Ah yes, the food procurement portion of the program. Cost of the War in Iraq
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