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2001-08-25 / 6:56 p.m. ~A dream about a duck~ I slept pretty well after sitting in front of my computer for about 7 hours last night. I thought I'd dream only of HTML and web design, but I don't remember any dreams, save for the last one. I was at The FOX theatre again, but not for a movie, for some kind of show, and I was late, trying to find my seat. I knew it was way down in front, in the orchestra section and there were a lot of empty seats so I was just going to hurry and sit anywhere, but this woman told me I'd better not, that she had tried and it was not a good idea. So, I found my actual seat, which turned out not to be there at all, but back farther, too far really, and it was in a weird place, a seat that actually does not exist (in real life, not dream life). I was seated in the only empty seat in a row of women, groups of women, and as I took my seat there was a woman with a microphone telling us, the audience, what to expect, that there was this duck who would be entering soon, and if we "honked" to her she would gladly come up to us. I realized I was seated next to my father's girlfriend, from years ago, Sheila, and she was talking to me, a lot, but I noticed the duck entering from the side of the theatre, a beautiful mallard with shiny green feathers and a ring around her neck. People were "honking" and she was indeed waddling over to them, so I tried it, and I had a very convincing "honk", sort of gooselike, I'd guess. She waddled over to me, very friendly, and Sheila handed me the ziploc bag of sliced peaches everyone had been feeding her, the duck. So, I gave her some sliced peaches, and I think I had one myself, sort of canned in consistency, but with the peel still on. Cold and yummy. The duck was so friendly, came right over and gently took a slice from me. People were looking at us, and I seemed to have a special relationship with this duck. I let her go though, as she had to make her way down the aisle and to the stage, I guess. I woke up wanting peaches. And thinking what a peculiar time my subconscious was having this morning to put that dream together! I couldn't figure out a reason for it at all, except I know I already miss going to The FOX for the movies now that the Summer series has ended. In other brief news: Yesterday at work the gals were busy planning a pajama party of sorts. They want to rent a hotel suite and spend the night, do each other's hair, wraps or whatever. Go to dinner first, someplace really chichi. This is too much, really. The new perm, another L., let's call her Lulu, though that is not even CLOSE to her real name, finally asked me why I'm not going with them, and it was a relief to let her know. I told her it's simply too personal, and how ironic it is that K. said just a few weeks ago that she works with us all 40 hours a week, she does NOT want to see us on weekends! And she is the instigator in all of this. In fact, I wonder if K. is not manic depressive...she will sit sullenly for days, not talking to anyone really, then she is manic, planning dinners, events, shows, inviting people right and left to do this or that. It's so odd. Right after she decided we should all rent this hotel suite she got on the phone and found a friend to go with her to Hawaii. She was flying high, like she was speeding or something. I just listened to it all, taking time out to zone out, put on my headphones and listen to Jeff Buckley croon sweetly in my ears. These women were driving me bananas! So, I told Lulu. I told her that not everyone in the group is a friend to me, and they know who they are and they no doubt feel the same way about me. I think she understood. Thing is though, I have never in my life seen someone assimilate so quickly. Lulu is acting as though she's worked with us all for YEARS already, joking with each of us, chitchatting like the best of them. She totally fits in, more than fits in, she IS in. It's so bizarre. I mean this is what, her second week? I like her though, she still looks like a man sometimes, but I found out she was in the Army for 6 1/2 years, so that explains it. She is fun, maybe too much fun, like someone who smiles too much, or laughs too much, and you have to wonder why... She seems a bit of a bullshitter. But she says she has no real friends to hang with, just her husband and kids. Hence her desire for the pajama party or whatever. The other reason is still this: I am the only white person. I want to be around my own kind after being with them all week, every day. Call it what you will. That doesn't mean I find my race superior to theirs (definition of racist), or that I hate them for their race, but I need my own people. I need to get away from their culture and be with my own on my own time. A little more variety would help. Like if we were some blacks, some Asians, some whites, some Indians, some men, some women. But it's ALL black women...and me. Besides, there is no fucking way I would spend the night with those women, not if you paid me! Oh, this is terribly long, I know, and no one is reading this far down the page, but it's my diary, so what the fuck do I care anyway? K. laughed when P. said her dog was hit by a car. She laughed, she laughed and laughed, and couldn't stop. I said, "That is so wrong, K., that is bad bad Karma, and it will come back to you" and I kept using the word "man" and I sounded like a real hippie, but I meant it. I said, "That is so sick, man, that's gonna come back to you, man, that is so wrong", etc. She "hates" dogs. She fears them. She hates all animals, she readily says so. She lives with her sister and her family and they have a dog and she refuses to feed it when they go out of town. I brought her God into it. She calls herself a "Christian". I said she should love all of God's creatures, but she is filled with hate. She is a hypocrite. She is majorly fucked up and I hated her in that instant. I said, "You are the least compassionate person I've ever known, I will NEVER turn to you if I need you, I would NEVER tell you if my cats were sick", etc. and she said that's right, if my cats are sick or die I'd better not tell her. Oh, it was awful. And I felt sorry for P. for telling us about her dog, glad that the dog will be okay, but then again sad and disgusted that she is not taking care of this new dog of hers. I learned, in that instant, what kind of person K. really is and I didn't like what I learned. It was a horrible moment. I do not trust anyone who hates animals. I cannot truly care for anyone who hates animals. Or the elderly. Or children. This, in my book, and I will have a book one day, but you know what I mean...is W-R-O-N-G! WRONG. And how can someone who calls herself/himself a "Christian", a follower of the teachings of that cool dude, Jesus H. Christ himself, "hate" anyone, animal, vegetable or mineral? Cost of the War in Iraq
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