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Wednesday, May. 19, 2004 / 11:04 p.m. ~Unable to Suspend Disbelief~ I have a tendency to forget I started a new job in January, and after six years my schedule changed in late April. Now, I wake before my alarm even goes off. And on the weekends I wake when the birds begin their morning songs, confused, thinking it's time to get up, shower, drink coffee, go in, sit in the cube, do it all again. It feels like I'm always at work. So when it's late like this, now, just after eleven at night, I think how it wasn't late not so long ago, no, this was still early, but now it's draining just to sit here. I'm worn. It's hard to keep going this many hours. I want a change. I want what I've always wanted, and I'm such a dreamer, it's not realistic at all. The pragmatist in me gets up before the alarm and goes in, and follows the rules, and thrives on the glowing praises, and tries not to think of how it 'used to be', or how I'd 'like for it to be', because this is how it is. This could be all there is. Oop, lump in my throat as I write that. I sat with a coworker this afternoon, killing time, and talking, laughing, sharing, and getting to know her. I told her about the death of the television sitcom, and she said it's all reality TV now, and on this note I shall now comment on tonight's "The Bachelor" finale. It sucked. This show has outlived its usefulness. No, wait, that's not right. It's outlived its entertainment value. It peaked with Meredith and Ian. I know, that was "The Bachelorette", but same difference. That was romance, whew, that was some crazy tingly chemistry, but this, this crap, with the football player and the reserved, uptight, repressed, cold fish blondes? Suddenly I'm a misogynist pig. Suddenly I'm cynical and disbelieving and suddenly this show is utter crap. There was no chemistry between him and any of those women. I've never seen so many people so devoid of feeling and expression. Was it the cameras? Is this just a ridiculous concept in the first place? To expect these people to pledge their love to each other in front of entire camera crews, in a matter of a couple of weeks? Wha? Tomorrow is vet day. As in -erinary. None too soon. Old girl is skinny, maybe dehydrated, drinking like a sieve, peeing accordingly, restless when she sits with me, anxious, tired, in pain? Don't know. She needs to be made to feel better, whatever that is. Amend that. Not whatever, not at all, but something, we'll decide when we get to that. I think it's been a very long day. Cost of the War in Iraq
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