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Friday, May. 21, 2004 / 8:25 p.m. ~Nonsensical Rambling After Brief Time Away~ I'm feeling my priorities shift a bit. This is a good thing, it's something I really need. I can't make this, being here, online, reading journals and diaries, and writing in my own for strangers to read, my life. There is so much more, and when I stop and look at my life with any semblance of objectivity, I realize that most of the past 6 years has been spent here. I've neglected so much, and this is not to say I won't continue. I'm good at neglecting, why stop now?, but now that I know for sure, or I've been reminded, that my cats are not immortal, I want to spend more time with them. I feel I've wasted a good portion of my time with them. I've ignored them, and this makes me feel that I'd like to turn back time (quick, someone cue Cher), I wish I could get some of my life back, and some of theirs. My girl was such a little trooper yesterday. I haven't really felt like writing about it, almost like it's too personal, like this is private, suddenly like my life is private and I have no intention of putting it online for total strangers to read at will, but, that said, I'll say it went well. I told a coworker today that my girl, the G-cat, knows that I'm going to take care of her. I'm going to try to make her feel better. And leaving the apartment for the first time in seven years wasn't as bad as all that. Nay, it was a grand adventure. A very skeery one, but grand indeed. And Norman was so accepting, not a hiss at all until the ear drops later. Yeah, ear infection, who knew? She enters the room shaking her little ears just as I write that. This feels normal to them, me sitting here, typing, hearing me, G rubbing her head against the pile of papers, catalogs, etc., on the floor, settling in for a nap. But to me it feels like nothing I want to do, anymore. Oh, I'll read my horoscope, certainly, and I'll check the email that just came in, but I'm dying to log off. Shut it down. Right now I'm not doing anything I'd planned, not this evening, I just want to relax. And I did have a big burst of energy upon first arriving, taking care of cats, feeding specially, doing the drops, etc., a big burst involving organizing, straightening, all making an effort to recognize where I've been and what all this is, this mess. Just putting files back in my filing cabinet I came across old journals and couldn't help but plop down on the floor to read, so many detailed details of my life, and when would I ever really want to read it? It goes back, years and years and years, obsessively documented. I've been eccentric for years now. It's all in there. I'm glad I am where I am now. I like my job, I like my apartment, I feel happy that I'm not obligated to anyone, any plans I cancel are plans with myself only, and I do as I please, within reason. This is good. Now, a quick here and there and I log off. I've tried the self-imposed limits, and will continue, I think they work fine. Cost of the War in Iraq
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