|
Tuesday, Jul. 26, 2005 / 6:28 p.m. ~Brief Hormone-Induced Angst~ I wish I were one of those types of people who makes things happen, instead of the type who sits back to watch those people while they make their things happen. I just looked at a beautiful photo of a mountainside lake in China and nearly sank to the floor with the thought that it's too late for me to do all the things I want to do, go all the places I want to go. It feels like my life is slipping away and I'm just watching it, sort of shaking my head and tsk tsking away. Yeah, gee, 'tis a shame, shoulda coulda woulda, too late now. The heat index is 106 and there are small children playing outside my window. This is the part of the day the weatherman recommended no one go out in. Rush hour. 4:00-8:00 p.m., he said, and I said, "Hah!", and the kids must have said, "Hah!" too, because there they are... but as I type that, it has grown silent out there, and I wonder at the possibility they are all flattened with heat stroke. I opened the curtains in the bedroom to see blue skies, green of the pines, and magenta flowers on the crape myrtles, and I thought that if I didn't know better I'd throw open the window to let in a nice breeze. But you see, I do know better. And now I hear those children again, so no deaths yet. Kids can be so hardy. Really, though, why I do I waste so much time? Do I really think I was never meant to be here? Did the knowledge of my accidental conception really cloud my whole existence? Maybe she could have kept that bit to herself, yeah? Was it some inherent knowledge that things would just happen for me, that I wouldn't have to work hard, that it was laid out already, I only had to wait? I'd like to think I'm wrong, that it's not too late, there is time, and plenty of it, and that any rut I've dug for myself and in which I've become firmly planted, can be leveled out and smoothed over, and real life can begin at any time, it's up to me, really. Let's go with that. And I may see China live and in the flesh, and eat real Chinese food, one day. Yes, let's decide it's not too late, after all. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |