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2001-09-23 / 11:07 p.m. ~Conflicted/Rally Logistics/50 Years of Late Night on NBC~ Wanting to be as informed as possible I watched "Beneath the Veil" on CNN this evening, a repeat of a documentary filmed last year in Afghanistan. A woman journalist goes inside the country, inside to find the land which was her father's homeland. It was definitely intense, amazing that she made the trip, made the effort, and got the story, mostly using hidden cameras and great secrecy. I realize now more than I did before, I realize that the Taliban needs to be taken out of their seat of power. But how? And do we actually attack this entire country? No. We cannot. I read last night that there is an elite group of British secret agents, the Golden Crescent Club, licensed to kill...in self defense....already in Afghanistan. Maybe this is the way to go. Why have we acted as brutes, amassing this military show of force? Why is this the way we respond? Is this really how we gained our current freedoms? I don't know how I feel anymore. I am over the mourning, I know that, but I got a bit teary watching Bette Midler sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" in Yankee Stadium today. I am ready for the media to lay off the schmaltz. Let us move on, and stop saying the name Osama Bin Laden in every single fucking sentence. The problem is bigger than him. We are the richest country in the world, as far as natural resources and ability to harvest them, produce them, export them, and our sanctions against smaller, poorer countries has hurt them. We have played a horrible part in the overall state of things. It's all so complicated, but jesus if war is NOT the answser to any of this! So, I'm conflicted, I am learning so much, and I only wish the 90% of this country that has been shown to be supporting Bush and his every move and judgment were also learning. I know they are not. I know they are getting their news in sound bites, little snippets in between plays of the football game, or at night while brushing their teeth. I am researching alternative and foreign presses via the internet, watching documentaries on cable, reading, watching, waiting, getting ready, ready to speak out in a large way while America goes to bed confident in our government's decisions. This sickens me. On the bus, once again, and now I worry about what to take, and what if it rains, and how much food will I leave out for the cats, the cats are accustomed to eating what's put down in front of them - so, if I leave two days worth they will eat it at once. I am thinking about how I can't really tell Lulu or anyone else at work that I'll be going, but it will be hard to keep it to myself. I'm wondering if I can make the meeting tomorrow. I'm thinking logistics now, planning, wondering who else will be on the bus, how many will stand up to speak out, how many are as incensed at the current state of things as I.... Tell anyone you're against war and they will invariably ask you to solve it peaceably, any situation, what would you do then, they will ask, they will want your alternative solution, as if war is the only way to fix a bad situation. My only answer is that killing more people won't solve anything, mass murder is not an answer to mass murder. It is not an appropriate response, or in terms that may better be understood amidst all this newfound "patriotism"...it is not the American way. Or is it? Step back, this country is founded on pillaging and plundering, rape and murder...so, maybe it is the American way. Maybe as long as Americans don't get hurt it's just fine and dandy. That group of R.A.W.A., Revolutionary Association of Women in Afghanistan, those women who are fighting against such evil for basic rights, such as being allowed to attend school, or work, those women do not need to lose their lives because of the actions of a sick group of men, the Taliban. And I don't know Bin Laden's roll in all of this. No one here does. Which reminds me that all wars are for men. Men start wars, men are the oppressors, always have been. I don't know where to go with that, from that statement. I have a lot of feelings right now, just on all that's about to happen, and I am disgusted, and I am tired, and I have no desire to write about it here and now, not in this diary, not at this moment. It's been a nice long weekend, and I don't want it to end. The "50 Years of Late Night on NBC" special was pretty good, brought back a lot of memories, and got quite a few hearty guffaws out of me. I grew up watching Johnny Carson on TV, used to sleep in my mom's bed with her, staying up late to watch him, and she'd fall asleep before it was over. I'd stay up, not wanting to go to school, wanting to stay up forever, but the show would end and soon the American Flag would wave, and the Star Spangled Banner would play, and yes folks, the TV would go off the air. Television was not 24 hours a day back then, even in the early '70s. But Carson was a constant, and it was fun to watch some highlights from his shows, and early Letterman, and even the old Jack Paar and Steve Allen, from back when things were innocent, especially television. Things are definitely not innocent now, and it seems it's only going to get worse. My hope is that people see what's going on, realize our government is going to hide a lot from us, and it's our duty as citizens to ferret out the truth, or as Cronkite said, we will be held as accountable as they are for any actions they take. I'm ready for this. On the bus for Saturday and anything else I can do beyond that. Maybe it's time for all the flag waving to cease and for people to educate themselves, realize what we're about to do. Cost of the War in Iraq
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