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Thursday, Mar. 21, 2002 / 7:27 p.m. ~Her Story, as I Know it, and Other Stuff~ I went back to the Chinese Buffet after work, filled up a takeout container, really filled up a takeout container, as in so full I could barely close it, and I brought it home and pigged out. On what? Well, I got the usual broccoli chicken, which this time not so delightfully did not contain the wonderful firm tofu, only chicken, and broccoli, as advertised, and a carrot slice or two. And, garlicky green beans, salt and pepper shrimp (mmmm!), several bacon wrapped crab thingies, secured with toothpicks, as always, two spring rolls, an egg roll, some Mongolian pork, yellow rice with peas, carrots and onions....and I think that's it. No room for dumplings. But I am really full, and I'm wondering if this is good. Or if I'll feel bad later. I almost don't care about later, now is too good. I do believe I've fulfilled my cravings, for now, and add to that some unnatural irritability today, and I'm beginning to think this may be PMS after all. Maybe I'm on a 15 day cycle, instead of the typical 28. Maybe I'll start menstruating every week, maybe I'll start having PMS permanently, wouldn't that be fun? Oh, speaking of health and stuff, I'm not going to get the health insurance. It occurred to me this morning, sort of like a kick in the head, that the amount deducted from each paycheck would actually be deducted from EACH paycheck, yeah, we're paid WEEKLY now, not bi-weekly like we used to be. So, the amount I thought it was going to cost me doubled. And when I looked at the grand total per year I freaked out! $1600? I pay less for car insurance and it has $10,000 worth of medical on it. In case some drunk freak crashes his car into mine and I lose my legs or something. Plus, I tried calling three or four doctors, just to ask if they were accepting new patients and maybe some other questions, and I couldn't reach any, not even the Nigerian woman. I got answering services, automated systems, crap like that. Maybe I'm old fashioned, and actually I prefer an automated system normally, but when it comes to my body, my health, my doctor, I want a person to answer the phone, say, "Dr. _____'s office, this is ______, how may I help you?". Am I wrong? Am I too much of an idealist? Perhaps. Totally off topic, but Jesus, and Holy Moly too, is Gabriel on "Survivor: Marquesas" not fucking beautiful??? Oh my!!! Mmmmmmm, and Unnnnnnnh, too. Yes. That show was good last night, but it almost always is. It was too predicatble, but at least it went the way I wanted it too, that lazy idiot Sarah is gone, finito, the end. Yea! I like the tribal switcheroo thing they do now. Imagine if they'd done that on the first "Survivor"....and they didn't, did they? No, I don't think so, I think it started with the second one, right? Or was it not until Africa? Have I forgotten so quickly? Still, it's a great wrinkle in the game. They really should've expected it, you know? How is it they seemed so surprised? Oh, I love the Reality TV! I have a Diary Ring I created for others who also love the Reality TV, if you want you can join!! "Amazing Race" was good too, but they seem to cram too much into each episode. It takes a long time to get from Sao Paulo to Capetown, you know? I know we miss an awful lot with all the editing, but I guess we get the gist, and it was sad to see the Grannies go last night. They were awfully bold and courageous to even sign up. Congrats to them for making it as far as they did. Okay, the deal with Sunshine is this: She likes to be taken care of, by men. Has she always been this way? I don't know. We've only skimmed the surface, all I know is her recent past. She was married, had a child, got divorced. She is on good terms with her ex. She somehow met a drunk, possibly while she was drunk, and I don't think she drinks now, perhaps she was an alcoholic, I don't know, but she hooked up with this drunk man, began a "relationship" of sorts, or perhaps only had sex one time, but she got pregnant and she had a wonderful baby girl, her other child a boy. She must've lived with the drunk, that part is not clear, not at all, but they did not marry. He wanted to control her completely, and he apparently attacked her over and over again, in various and creatively violent ways, breaking into her bedroom window to attack her with a knife, holding a gun to her head, dragging her from her office job, by her hair, shouting to the people there that "She QUIT!", etc. He also apparently broke some of her bones, and finally locked her in a basement for several days...... She fled. But, as he is a drunk and a psychotic, according to her, and numerous police reports (which have "disappeared" thanks to a good cop friend [not good cop, but good friend who was a cop] of the psycho, a cop who has since died), he wanted the daughter, and the court awarded them shared custody, and thusly she is forbidden to take the little girl out of the state. Sunshine has fled to two different states, followed by thugs and private detectives hired to harass her and frighten her. She now has a new beau, a man who dotes on her, cares deeply for her, takes great and careful care of her, but who is not yet divorced and has two girls of his own. Sunshine deposits her paychecks in the beau's account, asks him when she wants to buy something, and lets him take complete control, as I am guessing she did with the Psycho. But the beau is not abusive, not yet. I can't say that all men who enjoy caring for a woman, that is "taking care of" a woman, are also control freaks and enjoy abusing women too, but that is a pattern of sorts. I am worried for her. This weekend her son's Spring Break begins, and he is coming here to see her, across several states on the East Coast, down South from up North. Sunshine and the beau will drive up tomorrow to retrieve him, and Sunshine will visit her daughter who is living with Psycho, and try to ease her little mind to believe that mommy is not going to steal her and keep her from the Easter Egg Hunt. Her daughter's grandmother has filled her with all sorts of fear about this visit. The little girl is 5, the son is 12. Sunshine told me all this today, before she left work to go talk to her lawyer, with the beau, before preparing for the drive up North tomorrow, to hopefully see her daughter for a quality visit and get the son to bring him back here for Spring Break. Meanwhile, our Company wouldn't let her take three days next week to work half days so she could spend quality time with her son while he's here, so they let her go. And I told her it was the Temp Agency, they MUST NOT have communicated it properly to our Company, they couldn't have said it right, if they had she wouldn't have lost her job, but it's a suck ass job, so maybe she's better off. I don't know. But you can't make someone take a meeting with her Manager in an effort to plead for her job, you can't make her do it. While I was getting some water today, I'd only just stepped away, D., the Supervisor, told the gang that Sunshine would no longer be working with us. I came back and everyone was talking about it, guessing, no one asked me, so I volunteered. "No, that's not it, do you want to know what happened? I'll tell you. She wanted to work 'til noon three days next week so she could spend time with her 12 year old son, whom she has not seen in 5 months, but they wouldn't let her do that, so they let her go." If she were any one of those black women with two or three kids they would've let her do it. No question. She's white, they're black, end of story. Yes, oh yes, I've been there FOUR years, don't tell me otherwise. I've seen it. I've lived it. I see everything, I hear everything, I know that's it. Can I prove that? Of course not. Am I pissed? Of course. Can I say anything to anyone who can make a difference? Not really. When I was racially harassed by Listerine last year I spoke to a civil rights attorney and she told me I couldn't do anything. "Face it, you're white, working in the South. YOU are the minority." Thanks. She did a good job, Sunshine, she was professional, she learned quickly, she's really bright, and well educated, and appropriately subservient when she has to be, subordinate, a good employee, arrived early, left on time, always back from lunch and breaks on time, ALWAYS. Has to leave early to get an MRI because she can't stand the pain in her knee and she is AFRAID to tell D. she must leave. She is afraid to complain, afraid to stand up, afraid to confront our Manager, instead goes through the Temp Agency and lets them misinterpret her story, lets them lose her job for her and never bothers to explain the real story, because she is afraid, an admitted "coward". Now, she has to deal with all this Custody Battle crap, a man who wants to kill her, with her new beau by her side. Coming back to town with her son, but no job. What is that? As I told the gang what happened, only two heard me, only Kukla and Lulu and they just shook their heads, Kukla saying that wasn't right at all, and I said, you know it. Every woman in that place has a kid or two, okay, almost every woman, and they all take time off all the time, for their kids. Kukla says, "Veronica leaves at 4:30 every day so she can be with her kids......." Yes, Kukla. Life is not fair, and working at our Company is not a fair experience either, especially not if you're white. I want to quit. I want to just gather my things and say BYE, but I can't. I keep looking for another job, but either I'm not qualified or they're not paying enough, or it's not worth it, it's some other equally crappy job, and even Earthlink is hiring again, and I would LOVE to work for them, LOVE to, but I cannot take the pay cut. I sat and figured it all out today, subtracted taxes, compared their salary to my own minus health insurance, just for the hell of it, and I'd miss $200 a month if I went to work with them. I just can't do it. I wish there was a way out, I really really do, or that the Company would get their Karmic retribution here in my liftetime, that I could see them get what they put out, but I don't know if that will happen. Meanwhile, it gets worse, all the time. Now I'm the only honky again. The only white bitch. Fun. Dammit, Sunsine and I shared the disgust at the Gospel music played on Veronica's radio, so loud, the religion everywhere, and she tried to tell me it's illegal....and I broke down and told her the story of Listerine's leaving the lynching photos on my desk, and I had more I could've told her, but I told her about the prayers before our group meals, and other religious intolerance and racial intolerance I've been privy to, and she was with me, I had an ally, I had a comrade in arms, but that's all gone now. I felt totally abandoned at work this afternoon. And Quincey just wanted to raid Sunshine's desk for office supplies......... Cost of the War in Iraq
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