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Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004 / 1:57 p.m. ~Wanting to Own It~ Since I got my new watch in the mail this keeps happening: I say to myself, out loud usually, "I wonder what time it is", and then I say, again out loud, "I could just look at my wrist and then I would know". It's very strange. There it is, the time, right on my little wrist. Just turn it a certain way and I have the knowledge, and the certain power that goes with it. I slept with it on, but that's another story. The time was on my wrist all night and all morning and there it is still. I've been online for a while now, and since I'm listening to my (lately quite extensive) Winamp playlist I hardly want to turn this computer off. Nay, I've been listening and listening, occasionally fast forwarding past the randomly chosen tune which may not suit my everchanging moods, and lying on the floor, which is quite comfortable, and who knew?, playing with the G cat, and her newest toy, the delightful and elusive emery board, and the giant mouse she brought to me special-like, not caring that this is still the one room I've yet to vacuum so I'm lying in virtual puddles of condensed cat hair. No worries, I could lie anywhere right now. I remember once lying on a corner sidewalk in the Castro district in San Francisco, some boy I hardly knew playing with my fingers, telling me my hands were beautiful. Three of us lay there, on the sidewalk, watching the sun set. Watching the changing light against the buildings there around us. That was such a long time ago, twenty-six years ago, more or less. Just popped in my head, as these things do. I always reserve the right to change my mind, no matter the dramatic intensity of the change, no matter the drastic nature of the change, and so it is I have to admit, yes, at times I do want to marry. Some people inspire me. I have met people I would want to marry. I even asked someone once, it's true. No, wait, twice, two different people. I think they were both suggestions rather than outright invitations, propositions, but I did suggest it quite seriously. And I think I would again, or I think I did, but I'm not often taken terribly seriously under those circumstances, and rightfully so, as my nature is capricious, to put it kindly. The day is so beautiful, but I am inside letting it in, instead of out in it. It's coming in quite nicely, open windows and such, breezes, outdoor sounds suddenly indoors, it's as if I am out there. Not much difference, maybe less insects, not so many birds, not as much traffic, it's more comfortable in general. I think I'm having a hard time 'getting going', but getting going is something I would like to do, eventually. Or is that 'get going'? My articulateness pales in comparison. I realize I have no vocabulary, and I use too much slang, my vernacular has its own slang, I take too much license, I have no ability to use proper English, I have no language that belongs to the masses, it's become my own, and no one understands it, not even I understand it at times. I'm embarassed by/of my writing. I put it here and run. I click and walk away, or faster, at a faster pace I leave it. I'm downloading more music, as I am a downloading fool. My playlist shall never be complete. Oh no, an emergency is interrupting this flow of words, however vernacular/slang/bad English-filled it all is. The funky alarm outside has just sounded. It's unrelated to anything of which I am aware, but it does this, it's this very loud BUZZing, and it requires the services of the local fire department, whose ranks are no doubt looking for something fun to do and now they've got it, to silence. There were some kids outside playing, and they heard it and ran. No, they didn't set it off, it's not a standard fire alarm, it's unrelated to anything, but it does alert the fire department, so I suppose it is related to fires and such. (**Amended to note: just heard the nosy lady downstairs confronting one of the kids outside - he 'narc'ed on his friend, said, "My friend did it" - so, it is an official fire alarm. She is doing more confronting right now - this is what happens when I let the outdoors in, I have to hear all the sounds of my 'hood.) I'm listening to The Wiseguys, "Start the Commotion", 'Get up, get up, put the body in motion, do it, start the commotion... line it up, baby!', as featured in some Mitsubishi car spot a while back. 'Spot' is what those in the biz call an 'ad'. Now I officially ramble, as if I were not rambling before. So, I proofread and run after clicking to post, then I lie back on the floor and wonder how I'll enjoy the day appropriately. My head is filled. I have daydream fodder to last for days. I wish I could write it all out here, better still, I wish I had it, I want to possess it, own it forever. Cost of the War in Iraq
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