|
Sunday, Aug. 29, 2004 / 7:01 p.m. ~Emptying Out the Brain, and Bad River Analogy~ 7:00 p.m. and it feels like the weekend is over already. I've procrastinated rather heavily, and I have nothing to show for it. My mind was occupied and entertained and enriched, but the chores, the chores went undone, even the paper journal has not been written in. So much catching up to do. Today I turned on C-SPAN and there was the march in NYC, the RNC protest march up (or would that be down?) 7th Avenue past Madison Square Garden. I was riveted, moved, emotional, and inspired, proud of all those people who made that effort, if not to make a banner or sign or puppet, or to strap on their stilts, put pasties on their nipples, to simply walk in the hot sun, chant a bit, BE THERE. I wish it could have been me. Alas, I, the armchair protestor of late, watched from home, held back tears of joy for the overwhelming show of opposition to the Bush regime, and finally sat in exhaustion after 4 hours had passed, feeling I'd been there the whole time. My coworker called me on my cell phone, finally returning my call from yesterday afternoon, and asked what I was doing. When I told her I was watching the protest she started in on how awful the protestors are, how disruptive, how the AIDS activists who engaged in civil disobedience by disrobing were disgusting and there are laws against public indecency, and suddenly I felt so alone. I wanted to share my joy, my hopefulness, and express my passion about this whole political process, about democracy and dissent, but she only wanted to talk about her shopping, and ask me was I going to get out and about today as well. Um, no, I had a march to watch, and writing to do, and research to do online, photos to find, etc. But I want energy, real energy, I want to do all the things that need to be done, and I ask myself when they will be done. When, when, when, for months I've been asking, when? Piles of paper accumulating everywhere, dust thick and white, disarray upsetting my feng shui. My chakras must be all out of alignment. So I tell myself I am waiting to be well, physically, that I've been sick (and I have, I have, really), and as soon as I'm 100% I'll do it all, I'll get it done, I can, I will, it's not out of my reach, any of it, on any level, even the reading, the writing, the movies I want to get out to the theatres to see (I've been waiting for the cough to disappear), the cooking and cleaning, I am but one person, but I can do it, all of it, you'll see... I tell myself. You'll see. Tomorrow starts the weekly cycle anew, and it will be hard, this coming week, we know this, and the future at the job is so uncertain, the future of the job. But there's a flow that must be ridden now, like paddling down a river, keeping with the faster currents, the rapids, and taking time to eddy out, enjoy the flat water, the smooth and slow, and shallow. Mainly, making sure to see everything along the banks, not get swept up in too intense a focus on what's ahead. My mind feels empty. Finally. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |