|
Sunday, Feb. 17, 2002 / 8:57 p.m. ~Recognizing Need, and Desire~ I'm thinking I need a blog. I have a white pubic hair, but I don't mind. I remember asking my father if his pubic hair had gone white, and him saying yes, it had. I had never imagined that white hairs would appear all over. But do they? On legs? Arms? Does it differ according to the individual? And why? There's a silver hair on my temple. It's not even white, it's silver, it shines, like moonlight. There's a patch sometimes, of silver, of white, on the right side, after I wash my hair, I run my fingers through and there it is, a section of 5 or 6 or more hairs, all standing out amidst the otherwise dark, dark, brown, commonly mistaken for black. And looking in the mirror just now it seemed black, dark, dark, no white, no silver visible from a distance, against the red of this shirt. Red and black, and that one white pubic hair where I'd wish someone to see it. Sometimes I want sex so badly I can taste it. And I know what it tastes like, every moment of it. I have too many memories, but only the recent float to the top, like cream. I can see "him", or "him", or maybe even "him", remember his face between my legs, hear the sound he makes when he hears me groan, see his eyes close with delight, with pleasure. It will be gone before I can finish remembering. Maybe only a day, maybe only an hour, or a minute. It's there, I can see it, taste it, feel it, close my eyes or leave them open, and it's gone. Like a momentary weakness. Like that window that opens and closes again. Taste it, or taste me, no "him". No need for a "him", not in any sort of long run. Short, yes. And not need, more likely want. A life lived without desire is purest. Best to shut off desire, to head it off at its proverbial pass. Parts of me only I get to see, and this makes it better, it's secret like this, it's more special, to coin a trite term. Best to imagine, to remember, to make the remembering better than it was, to add to it, adjust it, fine tune it. This makes the present better than any past experienced. And in the future? There is no future, there is only now, and what has been, we should know that by now. Just a moment, and it's gone, desire lingers longer, too long. Gone soon. I have a white pubic hair. And I know I need a blog. Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
Recent Entries: It Was 40 Years Ago Today - 9:44 a.m. , Friday, Oct. 12, 2012 Dead Black Cat - 9:07 a.m. , Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012 As Seen From Outer Space - 1:07 a.m. , Saturday, Dec. 05, 2009 I Survived to Tell the Tale - 7:29 a.m. , Friday, Sept. 18, 2009 Reading My Life - 12:55 p.m. , Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 
  |