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Friday, Jan. 03, 2003 / 1:23 p.m. ~Splayed Out On the Table Like a Split Opened Sausage~ The dreams. Oy. Was it the popcorn and shu mai? And is it siu mai? Or shao mai? I've seen it all three, but on the package of frozen dumplings I buy is printed Shu Mai. Was it the dumpling sauce? The 'garlic juice' therein? I was on a ferry, in Puerto Rico. The captain was a woman with long dark hair - she had us on auto pilot, and I remarked that the other boats in the harbor, or on the river, wherever we were, simply had to move from our way because we were hauling ass! There was a gold domed building on the opposite bank, far from where we were, surrounded by several other gold domed buildings, smaller, and it looked like some sort of temple complex, but we were moving so fast, she couldn't tell me what they were because she missed it altogether. In another dream I had a penis. I think I was a man at first, and I was watching a woman from behind a door, a door with a window in it. I got a huge erection, but it was crooked, like it was broken in the middle, and someone suggested I go see the urologist across the hall, so I did. His office was dirty, the stainless steel stool had someone else's bare ass print on it, so I stood. He had me slap my penis on the stainless steel examining table, and I stood higher to make sure my testicles made it up there too. I commented that this penis wasn't even mine, and I didn't even want it. Avert your eyes, you manly readers, I warn you now� The urologist cut my penis in half, lengthwise, and I was thinking how at least I should've received an anesthetic injection prior to this internal inspection, something to ease any impending pain, but I was in no pain. This was not even my penis. He was pulling things apart, tendons, long strings of matter, and he yanked out a condom, a lengthy condom, all spread out, sort of remarked in an "Ah hah!" fashion that this was the culprit, the cause of my ailment. I was wondering how he would sew it back up, or if he would, or if he would simply close it with a bandage, and I left him and his dirty office, was back with whomever I'd begun with, and my brother was there, we were in a car, he and they had been waiting for me. I was holding everyone up with my penis problems, but I said, "Get this thing off me, I don't even want this thing!", and then my ankle was swollen, from the penis problems, no doubt, I had fluid accumulating in my leg, as when after surgery. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to walk correctly, I'd be in pain. But the penis itself never did hurt, not throughout the whole ordeal of condom retrieval, etc. Because it was never mine. Really though, the image of that guy with his hemostats, pulling out that condom, that long white condom, from my sausage-like, slit down the middle, penis, slapped up on that stainless steel table, is sort of cemented in my head, more for its bizarre nature than for any horrific after effects. I think I yanked myself out of that dream, all, "What the holy fuck was THAT about?!" The funny part, and yes, there was a funny part, was me saying, "Get this thing off of me, I don't even want this thing on me!" Tee, and hee too. There was another part, when I was in Puerto Rico, where I was walking through a Barnes and Noble, looking at how Puerto Ricans all have the same facial features, almost like Mayan Indians (it was a dream, relax!), but they sit and drink coffee in bookstore cafes, write in books while wearing little black framed glasses, just like we do. I wanted to buy something indicative of Puerto Rico, some sort of souvenir, some trinket, but bought books instead, or something. I was sidetracked, I had a crush on someone, I was in Puerto Rico, which I enjoyed saying with appropriately rolled "Rrrrrrr"s. On the way there I'd boarded a plane, but I only remember the search portion, offering up my luggage for the pilfering, or searching process due to 'increased security', the first time I'd flown in years. I woke up early, too early, somewhere near 6:15, 6:30, looked at my little alarm clock and said, "It's not time to get up YET?!", because I was wearing myself out with the dreaming. It seemed like I'd been lying there for days. I woke up all night long, tossing and turning, remarking on one dream or another, trying to remember, trying NOT to. It was crazy, really. And now it's 12:36 p.m., cubicle time, I'm struggling to write this amidst phone call after phone call, so many address updates, everyone wanting to assure safe and swift arrival of W2 forms, and I've slunk down in my chair, I'm punchy, loopy even. Lunch is soon, I'll try to upload this then. Home, just like that. It's so easy in the world of the written word..... here, check out the Yahoo Aries horoscope for today, it's fun with a capital FUN!: "A new and exciting potential love relationship could pop into your life today, dear Aries. This is apt to be the kind of instant attraction that sets your nerves tingling and your blood boiling! Whether or not you decide to pursue this attraction, of course, depends on your situation, but whatever you decide, you're likely to enjoy feeling the thrill of it today. Therefore, make sure you look your best when you go out! You'll be glad you did!" Yeh, shurrrr. Unh hunh. Why couldn't it have said instead, "You will dream you have a penis you don't want, one filled with spent condoms and long tendons, like sausage looks when you split it open, and you will fly fast over the water in an autopiloted ferry, operated by a beautiful Puerto Rican woman, the warm air caressing you as you try to discern the golden buildings of Mecca on the riverbank...." Cost of the War in Iraq
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