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2001-12-10 / 1:34 p.m. ~The Day After~ Today looks like December. It's much cooler, maybe 20 degrees cooler, and it's raining off and on. It would be a great day to sit inside looking out, er, like I am. But, I'm at work. I woke up with sore eyes from crying yesterday. I hadn't cried in a long time, a few months probably, but yesterday, I think it was when I got the email from Inez, or I think it's Starli, I'm not sure, but she threatened to turn me in to my ISP if I were to ever write her email, or sign her guestbook, or leave her a note, etc. Then, of course, she wrote nastiness in my guestbook. She and someone else from the auctions.signmyguestbook.com crowd. Yeah, there was a crowd, like 4 or 5 a minute, or maybe less, at least 10 an hour, reading my diary Saturday night, all from the guestbook at the auctions, all because the bidding was rigged and I wrote about it, I was pissed. I was thinking of an analogy, because this whole 'crowd' seems to think Ginni was such a great person for skewing the bidding by over-bidding�if someone robs a bank with intention of using the money to build a homeless shelter, yeah, it's real sweet, but it's wrong. If someone raises all the bids at an auction for charity, with the idea of earning a lot of money for the charity, yeah, it's real sweet, but it's wrong. And I left a message in Ginni's guestbook, ginni.diaryland.com, telling her it was wrong. She's emotional too, due to pregnancy. I'm emotional due to my period. This was all because Alison wanted people to bid on her design. Dammit. I was having fun with it, I was up to $11 on her design, and $21 on another that I really liked better. I was in a bidding war with someone for the one I preferred. So, I was pissed, the bidding went down, then back up, and after I complained I got all these guestbook entries, we're sorry, but you suck, over and over, and I'm repeating myself, I must've written this yesterday too, but it's been so overwhelming. SO overwhelming. I've been so emotional. Just look at my guestbook, look at all I've written to these girls there. And they keep coming back. They have my guestbook bookmarked, they come back and check to see what I've written, write some more, leave more notes, and at this point, they're all anonymous� Can you imagine what would happen if they could read this diary? Oh my god, they'd surely attack me for who I am, for what I believe, it would get worse and worse, and I truly believe that Starli/Inez, inez.diaryland.com, is waiting for me to open my diary so she can read it and attack me further. She is one evil person, no kidding. She accused me of slander for writing that I thought the auction was rigged from the inside out. Hey, it's how it looked, anyone in her right mind would've thought so. Anyone. But I spoke out, I got reamed, man, reamed! So, crying ensued, I've been low, depressed, just starting my period, tired, I got up at 8:00 on a Sunday for chrissakes, after maybe 4 hours of sleep, and couldn't even sleep last night when I went to bed at around midnight or later. I woke up all night, tossed and turned, it was all I could think about, nervous, shaking, worried what I would find in my guestbook next time I checked. I'd removed the entry box in the HTML code in the guestbook, and I got flack for that too!!! Oh, Inez says I'm not giving "them", the herd, a chance to defend themselves�against what? What personal thoughts I write in my diary? So, someone gets around it, and I really don't know how, I'm thinking she went in through the older entries, maybe the entry box was still up on those pages�called me a "bitch", then must've IM'ed her friend, the one who just a couple minutes later wrote "grow up". I imagined the conversation on AOL: "That Joleen, she is such a bitch, and now we can't leave her nasty messages in her guestbook!", "No, wait, I bet we can, let me try something�", "Yeah, the older pages are still there and you can leave a message that way!", "Oh, good, I'm going to call her a 'bitch', what are you going to write?", "Oh, I'll just tell her to 'grow up', but let's not sign our names, or leave our site addresses or email addresses, let's be anonymous, because we're grown up and mature, and she's not!" Yeah, it's consumed me, I've never experienced anything like this in my time on the 'net. But I have had flame wars, oh yeah! And they always really upset me. It's not just words, it's strangers hating me, I really don't care much for that. I think, how can you hate me so much when you don't even know me??? It's so horrible. But time will pass, I gave two people the password, and this after I said I wanted NO ONE to read this diary but me. So, that's progress. I deleted two entries, about the auction being corrupt, and that was a first for me here, deleting entire diary entries, but that's okay. I deleted all the emails and most of the guestbook entries, and "they" really hated that, but I wanted to move on, wanted to erase what was happening on Saturday night, and Sunday. You can't believe how many people really didn't like that. I had left Inez/Starli a note in her diary notes telling her how powerful my words must be for her to have such a strong reaction to me! I really had no idea I had that kind of power�I know I must've already written that in my last entry, but I'm at work and I don't know anything anymore�anyway, she deleted it as soon as I wrote it! Too funny. Joleen, the powerful one, the one who bites with her words, but it's a bark, not a bite, and if you're strong enough you can see through it, you can shrug it off, you don't need to fight with me, the Aries, ruled by planet Mars, and the God Mars, Mars, the God of War�Aries, the Ram. I plunge headfirst, headstrong, fight, then back off. I am fire, I burn hot, I burn myself out, I cool off. Other people don't know what to do with me. They really don't, and on the internet everything is exacerbated, multiplied tenfold and more. It's insane here, there I mean, I'm at work, at my cube, no internet this minute� I'll be okay, I know this. My eyes are getting back to normal, I have some energy. I just told Lulu the whole horrific story, the gang attack, etc. She says, "You make enemies, don't you?", and I said, "Yeah, I think I do, especially on the internet where the tone behind my words is up for misinterpretation." Then I went into my Aries spiel. And she tried to get my diary address out of me. Our phones are down, again, have been all day. Our computer program we use for verifications is up, down, up, down. Lulu is sleepy, took too many Tylenol PMs last night because her jaw hurt. I don't feel white today, I feel like "Joleen", well, like myself, I mean. Hey, I want to go see "Amelie" again. I wish I had someone to go with� Cost of the War in Iraq
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