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Monday, Nov. 15, 2004 / 1:16 p.m. ~Flashes of Life~ I keep experiencing flashes of life. The smell of hot dogs, sitting in ballparks, trips to San Francisco, camping and hiking, laughing with friends, trees filled with leaves the color of fall. As I walk through the office I can see these things, when I stand up I can smell my past, and it�s all coming to me in brief bursts, against my will, but not unpleasant. Last night was movie night. Last night was 'step away from the computer and watch TV if you have to' night, and so it was movie night. "Some Came Running" starred Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, two men I especially enjoy, but the acting was horrible, the script even worse, small town life with seedy undercurrent, circa 1958, boring at that. Corny, hokey, the drama contrived and badly executed. And there was an actress whom I would have sworn was doing her best to impersonate Shirley MacLaine, and how could she, how could she have adopted all her mannerisms, quite so? Until I realized it was she, of course. The hair, the voice, the body movements, of course, but I hadn�t recognized her face, her mouth, her eyes, not at first. Leaving the room to tend to laundry, but back again, and it gets dark so early, I lose track of time. The night before, I'd taken a very late bath, sat in tub reading In the Cut, and since it's seldom I read from paper anymore, it can take a while to read one little book � there, again, for the how manyieth time?, "In the Cut" was on TV, so I watched, again, enjoying again the cinematography, so very creative, the incidental music, so fitting with the theme, the images, the mood, creating the mood, and the sex� oh, the sex. I love this movie, I really do. It won't be the last time I watch it, and I still long to note all the differences in the book. "Solaris" was on next, and I found the intense close-ups of George Clooney and Natasha McElhone entrancing. Hypnotizing. But they both, while very striking, arresting even, are so very unusual looking, and not typically attractive. Her eyes are too large, her mouth too large, all of her too large, too tall, her hair too long, her acting too flat, and his as well, but I enjoyed the story, and I enjoyed the mood of it, seeing him naked, of course, not as naked as Mark Ruffalo, but nice ass just the same, and more interesting cinematography to enjoy. There was some soft porn on later, but as always, it's such a tease. I find myself leaning in to see what I can see, is he inside of her, are they really fucking?, but they never seem to be. I think I fell asleep to "Patton". And now? Work is deathly slow, there is no way to account for time spent today. There is nothing to do. I scroll through the menu on my cell phone, wish he'd call, know he won't, and still replay it in my mind, note time passing, note it becoming easier each day, all of it. Wondering about the future, smelling the past, and seeing flashes of the life I've lived so far. Cost of the War in Iraq
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